Fear

 

Something I have been suppressing is that I have a terrible fear of getting pregnant again after my 28 weeker's long stay in the NICU.  I haven't really spoken about it to anyone other than my best friend and my husband. Now that Little One is a toddler, everyone has been harrassing asking me when #2 will be here.  I get the "Little One needs a sibling" or "You're getting too old, you better have another one now while you still can". 

I realize she is now two years old and a sibling would be good for her (and a welcome addition to the family). I realize that I am 35 years old already, but I can't help my feelings.  I'm worried, terrified, and full of anxiety. Part of me desperately wants to have another baby, but the other part wonders if we should.  Our experience with Little One being premature and in the hospital for so long makes me wonder if we should even take that chance. We may not be as lucky as we were with Little One coming out of it all so well.

 
I wrote about my feelings and concerns over at Mom Nation (my first post on the Mom Nation site!).

Parting is Such Sweet Sorrow

 Yesterday, we said goodbye to one of my ESL students. He came to study with me last September and the time has come for him to end his studies on the Island. For the past eight months, he has been a regular fixture in Little One's life. I sometimes think she believes that he is her brother.  They play together, she argues with him, he spoils her, keeps her occupied...and they have become best buddies.

It was so sad to say goodbye.

 She really loves her buddy, DW!

 We took the students on a field trip to Bridal Veil Falls the day before our student left. Little One got to accompany us on our trip.

 P.S. Isn't her backpack just adorable? You can win one on my reviews blog!

Totally Melts My Heart

Lately it seems that all I write about is what my toddler has been up to, what kind of interesting baby/toddler products I've discovered, and pretty much all of that boring stuff that comes with everyday life. I could write about how depressing it can sometimes be to be a former city girl trying to adapt to life on a farm. Let me first say that I love the farm and I love where we live. It's just the hardships that come with farming, and the death and dying part I have a hard time with. I could write about how difficult it is to watch a newborn calf die or how incredibly sad it is to see a mother cow die after childbirth. These things do happen.

Instead, I will write about how my ESL students say that "the outside air smells like caramel" when we boil our maple sap to make maple syrup.

Instead, I'll blog about how my two year old daughter makes me all mushy and gushy with all the cute things she comes up with.

In the past two weeks, she's had big jump in her speech. She comes up with things like "I happy, Mama!" or "Ahhh...Funny!"

She was having a minor meltdown the other day because she was tired and I had to wake her up so we could hit the road early in the morning (we were driving back to the Island from Montreal - an 11 hour drive!). I told her, "Honey, crying is for when  you're sad or hurt, and..."  then she interjected, "I sad, Mama! I sleeping!!!"  Good point. What was I thinking?

Today was the first time she has ever told me, "I love you, Mama!" and it totally melted my heart. Moments like these are priceless. I must always remember these moments of pure love...especially when my toddler tests my patience.

Today she also said "I like shopping!" when we were at the mall. Where on earth did she learn that sentence from!?!

Ice Cream

BornFree Canada and NewBornFree were hosting a Green Birthday Twitter Party tonight and one of the questions people asked was: "Does anyone have any recipes for homemade ice cream?"

I know that deep in the far corners of this blog's recipe archives, I have a recipe for ice cream. I don't have an ice cream maker because I prefer to do things the old fashioned way and use all the elbow grease I can. Okay, I just haven't gotten around to getting an ice cream maker yet. It's been on my mind, but these days, things tend to leave my mind as quickly as they came. Anyway, scrolling through all the recipes I have on here, I got impatient and just grabbed it from my recipe folder on my computer.

Here you go:

C's Homemade STRAWBERRY Ice Cream

1 pint of strawberries (I keep a bunch in my freezer, as I find frozen strawberries make the freezing part go faster)
A little bit of sugar or any natural alternative to sugar
1 c. milk
2 c. heavy cream
vanilla

Since I don't have an ice cream maker, I put the frozen strawberries and sugar in my blender and then add the milk and blend those together.  Because the strawberries are frozen, they make the mixture turn into a slightly less thick version of ice cream. I pour the mixture into a cold metal bowl, and then I add the heavy cream and beat with an electric mixer.  I have done this with a whisk before, and let me tell ya, it is a lot more work! Make sure to keep the ice cream mixture in the freezer for a few hours to freeze to desired consistency/thickness.

I found an alternate recipe online ages ago, but I can't find which site I found it on. Be forewarned, there is a lot of sugar in this recipe. It's pretty much the same recipe, with more sugar though. This recipe also has step by step instructions on how to make homemade ice cream without an ice cream maker...and not the lazy person's way   the way I do it! The results are much better (I've tried both), but we keep sticking to my method. Perhaps it's because we're lazy we just want our ice cream ASAP! :)

Strawberries
16 oz fresh strawberries (1 pint)
3 tbsp lemon juice
1/3 cup sugar

Ice Cream Base
1 cup milk
2/3 cup granulated sugar
2 cups heavy cream
1 tsp vanilla extract

• Pour the ice cream mixture into a wide, airtight container.
Metal bowls work best. Ice cream has a smoother consistency when it is frozen faster. Metal bowls speed up the freezing process. If you don't have a metal bowl, plastic bowls are fine as well. Make sure the bowl you choose is wide. A wide bowl helps freezing and allows you to mix your ice cream easily.
• Place ice cream in refrigerator for at least 1 hour.
Ice cream will need to be in fridge longer if the mixture has been heated and cooked. Ice cream must be well chilled before going on to the next steps.
• Place the chilled ice cream mixture in the freezer for 30 minutes.
• Beat ice cream mixture with an electric mixer until smooth.
The edges of your ice cream should have started to thicken. Scrape the edges with a fork or spatula and beat with an electric mixer to add air to the mixture and break up ice crystals. You can use a fork instead of an electric mixer, but the ice cream will be less smooth and creamy.
• Place ice cream in the freezer for 40 minutes - then beat with an electric mixer.
• Repeat "40 minute freeze-then-beat cycle" 3 times
This should total 2 1/2 hours of freezing.
• You can choose to either beat your ice cream mixture every 40 minutes until frozen or let your ice cream mixture freeze on its own.
Either method works fine. The more you beat it, the softer it will be. Total freezing time can take anywhere between 3-5 hours.
• Add mix-ins to your ice cream.
If you want to add mix-ins to your homemade ice cream, wait until the ice cream is thick enough to "hold" the mix-ins so they don't fall to the bottom of the container. Generally, add mix-ins after 2-3 hours of freezing.

ENJOY!!!

How Did I End Up Here?

 There are days when I  have to stop and pause for a while to think of how on earth I ended up where I am today.  How did this former vegetarian, English Literature Major, world traveling city girl end up living on a farm on an island and married to a beef farmer?  How?

Simple.  I fell in love with a beautiful island and its inhabitants and I fell in love with a kind farmer.  Don't get me wrong.  Life is still sometimes always a struggle to get used to here.  Some days are more challenging than others.  Though I love it here and have made it  my home, I miss my family and my friends.  I do have a great bunch of friends here, and on the Island everyone is your neighbour (even if you live 30 km away!), but I sometimes miss the city.  I miss being able to eat at Japanese, Thai, and Indian restaurants whenever I please.  I miss getting together with girlfriends for Bellinis, Martinis, and a movie.

Then I look at the world Hubby and I have created together.  How could I ever want to be anywhere else?  Well, unless it's the Dominican Republic or somewhere warm!

 There are moments where we delight in the sheer pleasure of the simple things in life (like watching our goofy toddler eat her Japanese okonomiyaki with chopsticks).

There are moments of beauty.

 The celebration of life.

 The sadness of death and loss.

Yes, that's a turkey vulture waiting for a free meal.  Calving season is no fun when death is also looming.  Sometimes you lose a cow or a calf...or both.  Farming is definitely not for the faint of heart. 

There are moments of bliss.

Nothing beats the smell of maple syrup in the air!

 Moments of love.  Little One is such a happy kid.  I love her.

On the farm, there are also moments of disbelief and thankfulness.  I often catch myself saying, "Whoa. This is all ours?! How blessed and fortunate we are!"

There are moments of  frustration. It's not an easy life.

Moments of happiness...

 ...and, moments of taking it all in and relishing every moment.

It may seem crazy, but somehow it all makes sense.

The Story

I mentioned that last week's episode of Grey's Anatomy made me bawl my eyes out. The memories of tiny less than 2 lb preemies in the NICU came rushing back. For the past few months (okay, maybe the past year or so), I've been preoccupied with my busy-won't-leave-anything-alone-always-into-everything toddler that I sometimes forget just how precious she is. Not that I ever take for granted having our beloved daughter in our life and how she went through a rough start being a preemie and all. She is my life. I love her with all my heart. Sometimes...just sometimes, when she's exceptionally challenging to reason with "spirited", I forget how tiny and fragile she was and how we waited 70 days to take her home from the hospital. The tubes, leads, alarms, lights, needles, and scary stuff preemies have to deal with all seem like a distant memory these days. Seeing our very active toddler makes all of the time in the NICU seem unreal at times.

Little One and I sat in front of the computer for a few minutes after I came home from work and watched this video of one of the songs Sara Ramirez sang on last week's episode of Grey's:





I cried and held my preemie tightly. She looked at me and wiped the tears from my eyes and said, "No. No sad, Mama. No cry! Happy! Lady singing! Happy!"

Embarrassing!!!

 

Whenever we go out, I make sure to pack a cooler bag and a toy bag for the toddler.  I ensure that there is an adequate variety of snacks, drinks, and if worse comes to worse...treats!  She thinks fruit and yogurt are candy, so I've got it pretty easy there.  In moments of true crisis, I've got dried fruit (which she calls "candy"). Extreme moments of crisis call for chocolate.  Luckily, I've never had to resort to that one yet!

In the toy bag, I have colouring books, a pad of drawing paper, crayons, books, a few little toys (that don't make noise!), and her "blankie'. Little One usually entertains herself for hours if she has the treat bag and toy bag.

Except for today.

We were at church and during the service, Little One decided she wanted to get down and run. She normally sits through the entire service and does her own thing. We were surprised that she didn't want to sit still! I know she's only 2 years old and asking a 2 year old to sit still and quietly for over an hour is a lot to ask for. We never have problems with this though. Well, not until today!

Hubby hung onto her and wouldn't let her down, so she decided to do the unthinkable. All through the church, the shrill sound of "HELLLLLLLP! HELP ME!!!" could be heard from our toddler.  It seriously sounded like someone was doing something awful or inappropriate to her.  I suppose Hubby not letting her run around during church service was awful and inappropriate for her! 

Needless to say, we were in shock.  I don't know where on earth she learned that phrase. We didn't teach that to her.  That's actually something I intended on teaching her when she got to be school-aged. You remember learning in elementary school that when someone is being inappropriate with you or making you feel uncomfortable, you yell for help? Well, she's only just turned 2 a few months ago! Where did she learn this?

I'm just glad that everyone in church thought it was funny that this teeny tiny little munchkin was so theatrical. I was also glad that everyone knew what was going on and that no one called Children's Aid!

Wow. I have a feeling Hubby and I are going to be in for a really adventurous ride with Little One!