As a little girl, I remember my Mom, grandmother, and aunts sitting around the kitchen table, telling stories, laughing and wrapping Turón. The ladies would expertly wrap sliced up plantain, jack fruit and sugar in spring roll wrapper, and fry them.

It was always a special treat and a family favourite.

Whenever I have this Filipino treat, I think of my family and my childhood.

I was so shocked to see the local Foodland had plantain!  I promised myself I'd only cook with local produce in my attempt to tread lighter on the earth, and also help support local farmers.  I couldn't resist though.  I had picked up a few cans of jack fruit when I was in Ottawa recently and had Turon on the brain.

My aunt's original recipe calls for large spring roll wrappers. Our local grocery store only carries the small wonton and egg roll wrappers.  From experience, I know that the egg roll wrappers get bubbly when fried.  That would be a definite no-no.  I settled on the wonton wrappers.  After all, we use what we have or have access to, right?

Ingredients:
1 large plantain, sliced
1 can jack fruit (slice the jack fruit into strips)
sugar to dust (white or brown sugar)
1 pkg spring roll wrappers (in this case, 2 pkgs wonton wrappers)
oil for frying

Instructions:
1. Slice plantain into small, thin slices. I did them about 3 inches long and 1/2 inch thick.
2. Drain jack fruit and slice 3/4 cm in thickness.
3. Take one won ton or spring roll wrapper and place 1 slice of plantain and 1 slice of jack fruit in centre.  Dust with sugar. Brown sugar works best for this treat. The caramelized brown sugar is lovely with the banana.
4. Wrap and form a "roll" by folding ends over the banana and jack fruit, using water to seal.
5. Repeat process until you have used up all the spring roll wrappers.
6. Heat a skillet or pan and add cooking oil. Add a few rolls, but be careful not to overcrowd pan. Cook until golden on med heat, then turn over. Keep cooking until other side is golden. It doesn't take too long to cook.
7. Remove from pan and either place on plate with paper towel. Sprinkle sugar over top while still hot.

These are smaller than the original Turon. Perfect bite-sized treats for entertaining and also perfect for little ones, as I've noticed that the original size Turon can be a bit too much for little kids to eat.  Hubby, on the other hand, can eat his fair share of the original-sized Turon!

Enjoy! This is best when eaten hot!

With May being the month my Lola (grandmother) passed away last year, I've found myself making a lot of Filipino dishes. We're now into the beginning of June and I find I'm still cooking a lot of Filipino food. This has totally been done unintentionally.  I think it's perhaps because I really, really miss my grandmother right now.  I've also been missing her cooking and by me cooking up some of the food that remind me of her, it also brings me back to my roots.

My husband and four year old daughter certainly don't mind.  We had Filipino Bistek for supper tonight and it was a hit.

This is a family recipe that has been tweaked.  I didn't have *calamansi (citrus fruit native to the Philippines - looks like a little lime/lemon).  Since I can't get calamansi where I live, I use regular lemons.  It doesn't taste quite the same as the Bistek in the Philippines, but it does the trick!

Filipino Bistek

I was finishing up some last minute work for a campaign when I looked at the clock on the bottom right hand corner of my computer screen.  All of a sudden an overwhelming sense of sadness washed over me. The date! The date made me burst out in tears. It was a reminder of the saddest day of my life.

My grandmother passed away a year ago tomorrow.

May 15, 2012. I still cry every time I think of her.

Sometimes I feel like I'm going bonkers, because one minute life is amazing and so many fabulous things are  happening for us. The next minute, I'm just so sad. Weepy...and missing her so very much.

My heart hurts so much, I feel like I can't breathe.



Still thinking of you each and every day, Lola.

Tonight we'll celebrate your life by lighting a candle for you, saying a prayer, and cooking some Filipino food like you used to make.

The soft light of the sun filtering through the filmy white curtains in our temporary room caused Little One to stir in the morning.  Our morning routine while in San Jose would be getting up early, having a Filipino breakfast prepared by great-lola's helpers, showering, and getting ready for our commute to a neighbouring city to visit great-lola in the hospital.

At the time, my mom, aunts and I were pretty much on auto-pilot.  We were just living day to day, traveling by jeepney (and sometimes out of the kindness of loved ones, by vehicle) to and from the hospital.

Thinking about our experience, I now wonder what exactly was going through the mind of my three year old.  The extreme heat of the Philippines, the heavy smell of diesel...the sights and scents were totally foreign to my little girl.  Being dragged around to spend her days in the hospital, and hearing a language foreign to her didn't really seem to faze her at all. She was a trooper and happily went about doing her thing.

After long days at the hospital, Little One would often explore great-lola's beautiful house and find treasures.

She took these back to Canada with her to remember great-lola.
Today, I caught Little One sobbing into her pillow. The tears streamed down her cheeks as she cried, "I don't want great-lola to be dead!"

I noticed that she was clutching onto the Nesting Dolls she brought back from the Philippines. They were a gift one of my aunts had given my grandmother. My aunt, having worked for Air Canada for many years, often brought back trinkets from her travels. These are the only tangible items Little One has to remember her great-grandmother by. It surprised me how one so young could comprehend so much and feel so much. It brought tears to my eyes.

The odd thing is that no one had even spoken about my grandmother passing away and Little One just burst out into tears, hugging the wooden nesting dolls.

Ironically, today my Grandmother would have turned 92 years old.  It still breaks my heart to think I'll never again be able to hold her hand or hear her tell her stories of life in the Philippines.

Still missing you, great-lola.

**WARNING** Not my usual happy, light, fun post :)


It's been just a few months since my grandmother passed away and so far I've been holding things together just fine. Things are busy, life must go on, and there's a little person who needs me to function like a normal human being.  It just hits me sometimes though. It comes in waves. The overwhelming sense of loss and the sadness just take me by surprise.
My cousin found one of my grandmother's pieces of writing. It reminded me of just how much I miss her. I thought of the last time I held her hand and how much my heart hurt.

Hubby, Little One and I have been absent from our church for a good part of the Summer. Summer is really busy on the farm and Hubby rarely gets a chance to leave the farm. He needs to maximize daylight hours and get the most out of his days. There's always so much that needs to get done.

In church on Sunday, our minister's words just hit me. I know I don't talk about religion much on my blog, but every time we attend church service, the words just make so much sense and totally apply to what I'm going through at the time.

I've had a lot of things going on in my life lately. Worries. Stress. Anxiety. People see me in public and think I  "have it together". I really don't. I've also been creating more worries, stress and anxiety for myself and my husband. The basement hasn't been finished yet and it's been in the works for the past four years. I can't keep up with the weeds in our vegetable and fruit gardens. My flower gardens are a mess. I can't keep up with my house work. It's insane. I want things done and I want it done now.

Then I heard the words come out of our minister's mouth. He reminded us of the Fruit of the Holy Spirit.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.” (Galatians 5:22)

I was reminded that we need to have patience. Patience is not a virtue I possess and have been struggling hard with. I know I need to work harder at it and this has been so apparent lately in so many facets of my life. My mother-in-law always tells me to "Let go and let God".

After the church service, we had lunch with Grandma (aka: my mother-in-law).


My Dad had spent the morning landscaping my front yard. I almost cried. I'd been trying to get to it for a while now, but was too busy. He just came over and did it. I am so thankful for my Dad.

Hubby took some of the afternoon off work and put farm chores aside to spend some time just lounging around with his family. Little One, Chance, Spike, Hubby and I played in the sprinkler and relaxed on the porch drinking iced tea. Well, Spike and Chance didn't drink iced tea. They had water.



Our little girl loves her Daddy so much. She cries every time Daddy or Mommy have to work. She just wants us to be together and hang out. She was SO  happy today. We just sat on the deck, but she loved it. She kept putting Hubby's hand on top of my hand and kept saying, "Daddy, hold Mommy's hand. Kiss Mommy. Group hug!!!" and she gave us both a big hug. She's so sweet. I love my little girl.

I have to remember that I really do have a lot to be thankful for. Taking time out, having Hubby spend time with Little One and me, and me going unplugged for much of the weekend certainly helped.

I leave you with this video. Totally brings me back to my high school days. I loved Warrant and was in love with Jani Lane! RIP Jani! For some reason, whenever I'm feeling my not so peppy self, this song always comes to mind.

It's been a few weeks since my grandmother passed away.  Looking at photos and videos of my grandparents makes my heart hurt. Some days I'm just so wrapped up in work and family responsibilities that I forget the sadness. That feeling like something is missing always seems to resurface during the more quiet, pensive moments.

I guess this post isn't much of a "Wordless" Wednesday post after all.

Please feel free to link up your fabulous Wordless Wednesday posts!  A photo says a thousand words. It brings us back to special times, evokes memories, and makes us feel.


Looking forward to checking out and commenting on your posts!

At the risk of sounding depressing, I thought I'd post more of my "Grandma (aka Lola) posts".  I don't want to keep posting about my lola's death and have you think I'm dwelling too much on things.  I'm fine...for the most part. I have my moments.  I'm trying to convince myself that I know this is best for her and that she is no longer suffering.  I'm trying.

It's been a week since she died and almost two weeks since I last saw her and held her hand.

My last memory of her alive was me having some quiet time with her in her ICU room. I remember holding her hand, praying with her, and telling her "Mommy, you know I love your, right?". She nodded. I could tell how tired she was.  Tired of fighting for her life.  Tired of trying to stay alive for us. She just needed to finally be able to rest in peace.

I've also been trying to find out how best to deal with death and dying with my three year old.  She's been taking it pretty badly and has been asking demanding to see her great-lola again.  I get the tears and the "I don't want my great-lola to be dead! I want to see her NOW!" and it is heartbreaking.

Searching for info on "bereavement and children" has proved to be a little overbearing. There's just so much info out there, I don't know where to begin.

Since Lola's death my cousins and I have been corresponding back and forth on Facebook, sharing memories of our grandparents and of our childhood.  We're a tightly-knit family because of my grandparents.

I remember being in elementary school and high school and friends would say, "Wow. You hang out with your cousins?! I don't even know my cousins."  Truth be told, my cousins were all like siblings to me. They still are. When I lived in Montreal, we'd see each other all the time and hang out together. I always wished that my own children would have the same kind of relationship with their family that I had when I was a growing up.

This is my second trip to the Philippines, and once again, it's not a pleasure trip.  I wish circumstances were different.  This time, we're here because my grandmother (Lola) is in Intensive Care.

I packed up my three year old for her first international trip, and off we went.  The flight was long, but Little One fared well.  She was such a great traveler.

As soon as we got to the airport in Manila, we went straight to the hospital in Lipa City. It was so good to see my grandmother and to hold her hand, but it was heartbreaking to see her intubated and with an NG tube.

We've been in the Philippines for a week now.  Little One has adjusted well despite the jet lag, extreme heat, and stress.  She loves Filipino food and has made friends with the neighbour's grandchildren. She is bonding with her relatives and learning about our culture.

My grandmother's maids are amazing. They are so good to our family. They really love my grandmother so much. One of her 'helpers' even sleeps in the hospital waiting room every night!
I have to say that it is really weird to not have to cook, clean, do dishes, laundry, or take care of my child all the time!

I'll try to post some photos soon. In the meantime, please keep my grandmother in  your thoughts and prayers. Healing vibes and positive thoughts would be greatly appreciated.