Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Not So Wordless Wednesday


Life has been insanely busy with the toddler being in her "terrific twos", me teaching, having students at the house with us for the summer, the farm, the freelance work, extra-curricular activities, committees...just to name a few things.

I had to bring the toddler to a meeting last week since I couldn't find childcare at the last minute. She was great, except for the constant wanting me to play with her and read her books. This, my friends, is why it's really not recommended to take little ones to your meetings. It's distracting and can sometimes prove to be unproductive. She was so good, but it really is a lot to ask of a 2.5 year old to sit and stay occupied for an adult meeting. Of course, she had toys and books to keep her busy with, but nothing is ever as good as having Mommy play too. *sigh*

Secret Mommy Confession:  After the meeting, I was almost in tears. I asked some of the other women there how on earth women survive?! We work all day at our jobs, work all evening and night at our home and take care of our families, we don't get much sleep, we don't get many breaks. How do women survive? Better yet, how do women not burn out or go nuts? Oh, I'm totally not joking.

Little One is simply adorable and I love her so  much. She's just into everything and she's so busy all the time! Sometimes, I wonder if having children earlier in life would have been easier? Then I think of all the things I know now and all the experience I have as *gasp* (dare I say it?) an "older mom". I just don't seem to have the energy I had when I was in my twenties. I'm 35 and Little One is just over 2.5 years old.

I find my patience wears thin really easily after a long day of teaching. I want to just soak up all my time with her and enjoy her at this age, but after racing home from teaching, there's supper to be made, work to do around the  house, and a whole slew of other things to do. It pains me to feel like I am not giving her all my time when I am at home.

I need to go to Zumba and exercise classes during the week because A) I need and love the exercise and B) That hour of working out refreshes me and gives me a break from the whining and acting out. Sadly, my little munchkin has become very whiny for her mommy and is very vocal about her wants and her dislikes. Though I know that working out is good for me, I feel really guilty (not always self-imposed) for taking a few nights a week away from my toddler.

Then I have friends who seem to be so "together" with the whole parenting thing. They don't complain, voice their frustrations, fall apart, or feel like crying sometimes. At least, they give that illusion. My close friends and I feel comfortable enough to talk about everything we are going through and how we really feel. The SuperMoms out there just make me feel like a completely awful mom for losing it sometimes.

I'm just so exhausted all the time.

Thankfully, despite the whole whiny, cranky, bossy attitude from Little One sometimes, on the whole, she is an awesome kid. She's so inquisitive, loving, sweet, smart, funny, and my everything. I just wish I could be more patient, not worry about cooking, getting housework done, and doing other things. I don't want her to remember me losing it or being stressed out at the state of our house all the time. When she gets older, I want her to remember that I read to her every night (book after book...after book!), sang with her, played outside with her, coloured with her, and took  her to cool places. I want her to remember all of these things. I really am making an effort to not be "that crabby mom" who is overly concerned with how immaculate the house is. I can't  help how much it bothers me that the house is suffering since I've gotten so busy with everything.

How on earth do some moms have it so "together" all the time? 

I hope Little One does know how much I love her and how much the time we spend together means to me. I  hope she always remembers the time we spend on the beach together.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

If you were thinking of me A's having it all together, just remember my OVEN! ;)
Hugs!
SuperAmazingMommy.

merinz said...

Sometimes the 'supermums' are not as together as they appear! And they take short cuts by missing out on time with their children.

C said...

SAM:
:) Thank you for the reminder :) Your oven story makes me smile.

C said...

merinz:
You are so right. I need to keep that in mind. Love you!!! xoxo

Karen MEG said...

Hey C - the supermoms just look like they've got it together on most days but I suspect that they're just as harried on the inside. Motherhood can be tough-a joy, but really tough. We try to be all to everyone but you can't always be. Even when your kids are the best behaved on the planet they're still kids.
You're super yourself -don't forget that!

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City girl moves to the country, falls in love, and marries a farmer. She tries to incorporate her city ways with her new country lifestyle and blogs to keep in touch with friends, family & students who live far, far away :) Can this city girl go country? Watch as she learns all sorts of exciting things about life on the farm and in a small rural community. *UPDATE* We are now parents! Our baby girl was born on Nov. 11, 2008 (at 28 weeks gestation- 12 weeks premature, but she's quite the trooper)!!!
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