There's nothing quite so magical as growing a baby inside you.  I know it may sound like an odd thing to say, but I'm sure many moms (and expectant moms) agree.

When I was pregnant with Little One, I was in constant awe of everything. I could not believe that there was a tiny being inside me, growing, being nurtured by me and who would eventually give me the gift of being her mother.

I was in awe of how my body was changing to accommodate this new life inside me. I was in awe of how my emotions could change in a moment's notice. Oh, my husband will tell you how my pregnancy hormones kept him on his feet for my pregnancy! I'd cry at the drop of a hat. "I wanted black cherry yogurt! Not strawberry!" Yes, little things like Hubby not getting the right yogurt from the grocery store would make me cry!

Oh, and you can forget about watching TV with me. Even commercials made me cry!

Though I could not contain my excitement and feelings of amazement and love, I also remember the not so glamorous parts of being pregnant. Though I absolutely loved being pregnant, I had all day sickness for my entire pregnancy. Not morning sickness. ALL DAY sickness.

I also worried excessively about my baby. I was already 32 when I got pregnant. This was my first child. I was on complete bed rest and this was a high risk pregnancy. To be honest, I was scared.  Scared something bad was going to to happen to our baby.

Then she decided to propel herself into the world at 28 weeks gestation.

Though I did chronicle my pregnancy on my blog and in a journal/diary, I wish I had an actual pregnancy journal like From Pea to Pumpkin.


I'm getting all emotional just thinking about pregnancy journals! I've got a handful of friends who are expecting babies, so From Pea to Pumpkin is on my list of items to get for the moms-to-be.

About From Pea to Pumpkin


From Pea to Pumpkin is beautifully illustrated. Author/Illustrator, Geralyn Broder Murray's hand-drawn, like-sized fruit and veggie images represent and help chart the size and growth of baby week by week.

I love that this journal is a place to record the memories and thoughts that are most important to expectant moms. There are fill-in-the-blank prompts, spots to put photos and ultrasound pics, and more. It's just the perfect place for all the important memories and great to keep for posterity.  It really does make a great keepsake.

Sure, pregnancy may not always be as romantic and idyllic as some of us make it to be. I couldn't even go to the grocery store without getting nauseous! The meat section was off limits for me. Despite being sick all the time and being a blubbering mess with all the weepy moments, I can still say that my journey can be looked back on with smiles and fondness.
I highly recommend moms (both first time moms and veterans) chronicle their amazing journeys.


Every great journey deserves a great journal.


Connect with From Pea to Pumpkin on Twitter, Facebook and on Pinterest!

Disclosure - I received a copy of From Pea to Pumpkin to facilitate this honest review. All the thoughts and opinions on this blog are honest and my own.

While tweeting with my friend, @inkscrblr, I was reminded that this time four years ago, I was put on complete hospital bed rest.  Just thinking of what was going on four years ago brought tears to my eyes.  To be  honest, sometimes those memories are so far behind, locked in the deep recesses of my mind. Just a memory.  The fears and emotions were definitely real, but the end result is a happy, healthy, bright, active, busy, sometimes challenging and spirited little girl.

Most of the time, I forget that she was so premature and I try to put the past in the past.  Many times, those days, weeks, and months in the NICU seem so far away.  Sometimes they seem like they never happened.  If you see this vivacious, curious, strong Errr...Strong willed little girl, you may not believe we even went through any of that.

Seeing posts and tweets that remind us of those early days does make me cry a little.  They also serve as a reminder of the love, endurance, and strength we all have within us.  There were days I thought we would never survive, but here we are.

Three years ago today, I was on bed rest at Mount Sinai Hospital.  I remember being sad that I couldn't enjoy my pregnancy like most moms do. I would never become hugely pregnant. I would never experience my last trimester. Instead, I had to spend my days and nights on my back so my baby wouldn't arrive too soon. I was six hours away from my husband, family, and my home. To be honest, spending your days and nights in a hospital bed for weeks is not fun.

Thankfully, I  had friends and family in Toronto who came to visit me. Thankfully, my husband brought my laptop to the hospital. Thankfully, I had started blogging. I wouldn't have been able to cope with everything without the support network I had. A special thank you goes out to my aunts, uncles, cousins, and friends who came to visit me in the hospital and help me pass a few hours here and there. Thank you to Dee, Fancy, AvoidEverything, SillyLizard, Humps 'n Bumps, and T!

Another big thank you goes out to my online friends for being there for me too. I love you, Ms.Mamma, Jeanna, Jimmy, J, CanineCologne, Merinz, et al. Your e-mail, cards, phone calls, words of encouragement really helped me get through those scary times in the hospital when every day was a roller coaster ride, not knowing if my baby was going to survive.

She did, and she's fine now.

Since those days in the hospital, blogging has become a part of my regular life. What's even more is that so many amazing opportunities have come out of blogging.

{FOR FULL POST, CLICK HERE}

It's hard to believe that this time three years ago, I was sent to Toronto by air ambulance and was placed on strict hospital bed rest.  I didn't realize that I'd be spending the next weeks/months practically living in the NICU with my baby.

That was when I really started blogging.  After all, there wasn't much I was able to do while confined to the bed and on my back.

I blogged about my worries and concerns.

I blogged about how terrified I was.

I was touched and shocked by how many people around the globe e-mailed me, left me comments, phoned, sent cards and good luck trinkets, and even visited me in a time I needed comfort and support the most.

My family and friends were very supportive. They visited me in the hospital, sent cards, and called me. I suspect the phone calls were to ensure that I didn't go loopy while on bed rest or that I wouldn't get depressed with being 6 hours away from my husband and for such a long period of time. Maybe my loved ones were concerned that I might be overly worried with what may or may not have happened with a baby being born so soon.

Thank you, everyone. Your support kept me going and kept me strong during my high risk pregnancy. You have touched our lives in ways you cannot even imagine.

That was three years ago.

This is now.

When you're a newly married couple, people always ask, "When are you going to start a family?"
When you have your first child, people always seem to ask, "When are you going to have Baby #2?"
I can't help but feel a little bit of anxiety when people ask these rather innocent questions. Though I do wish for a younger sibling for Little One, I can't help but be scared.

As we approached High Park, my heart began to race with excitement and anticipation. In the distance, I could see the big bouncy castles and hear the children's laughter. The park was filled with families and their NICU graduates. I wasn't sure what to expect with this being the first Mount Sinai Hospital NICU Graduates Picnic we were able to attend.
I felt overwhelmed with happiness. All these families who had spent long days, weeks, and even months in the NICU were all together in one place, sharing in the celebration of all the babies who were in the NICU. The appreciation and thankfulness I felt for the doctors, nurses, staff, volunteers, and other families cannot be expressed in words. There are no words to adequately describe how I feel.

Tears poured, as hugs were exchanged. "Thank you for being there and helping us get through some of the hardest times we've ever had to experience" and "I don't know what I would have done if  you weren't in the NICU with me" could be heard by many of the parents. We all shared like experiences. We all had special little miracles. Some were born just over a pound at birth and are now happy, healthy, busy toddlers.


To be honest, though one can never forget those early days in the NICU, as the years pass and Little One grows, it all seems so surreal that we went through all of the scary, rocky times in our baby's first months. Little One is two and a half years old now! The date on this photo is wrong. It should have been November 19, 2008.



Being able to see the people who spent time in the NICU with us when Little One was there just brought back so many memories. It was a celebration, a reunion, and just a very happy occasion.
Little One is a healthy child. Developmentally, she is just like any other toddler her age. She is just a regular kid, but who had a rocky start.

It was fantastic to see all the preemies who were in the NICU with Little One. I cannot believe how much they've all grown! They are all doing so well! No photos of the picnic or families and children who attended the picnic will be posted on here (due to privacy reasons).

Thank you to everyone involved in making the Preemie Graduates Picnic 2011 a very memorable one.
* Photos of Little One at the picnic courtesy of the talented  www.beyondinfinitiphotography.com :) Thank you!

I realize she is now two years old and a sibling would be good for her (and a welcome addition to the family). I realize that I am 35 years old already, but I can't help my feelings.  I'm worried, terrified, and full of anxiety. Part of me desperately wants to have another baby, but the other part wonders if we should.  Our experience with Little One being premature and in the hospital for so long makes me wonder if we should even take that chance. We may not be as lucky as we were with Little One coming out of it all so well.

 
I wrote about my feelings and concerns over at Mom Nation (my first post on the Mom Nation site!).

It seems fitting that November is Preemie Awareness Month, since our little preemie was born in November.

I  have to admit that prior to giving birth to Little One, I never so much as gave any thought to premature births or the causes of prematurity.  No one I knew had a preemie before.  After all, getting pregnant was supposed to be a piece of cake, right?  You meet someone, you fall in love, you buy a house, you buy a dog, you buy stuff for your house (like that five piece bedroom set  you have always dreamed about!), you have sex, you get pregnant, and nine months later you pop out a baby, right?

Wrong.

Things don't always happen the way one thinks they are going to happen. In fact, nothing turned out the way my husband and I thought things would. We never even considered the fact that I may have a high risk pregnancy.  We could not foresee me being put on strict bed rest for the last five weeks of my pregnancy.  We did not even think that my cervix would be almost completely effaced at less than 24 weeks.


Luckily for us, everything was okay.  Well, despite a few rocky moments and a lumbar puncture. I honestly thought Spinal Tap was just a band. I never thought my less than 3 lb baby would have to go through the pain of having one! Fortunately for her, there were no blood transfusions and she had no major complications.

For the thousands of other preemies out there, blood transfusions are not uncommon. It's surreal to think about one's new sense of reality and what is "normal" when you have a preemie.  People don't really know what you're going through if they haven't had to experience it themselves.

 I never imagined having to learn about CPAPs, NG tubes, Bradycardia, Tachypnea, lumbar punctures, or any other scary sounding terms! What is even scarier is that these soon become "normal" words to parents with a baby in the NICU.
No matter how many times I've had to tell Little One's story or speak about premature births, I always get choked up.  She was only inside me for a little more than half of the time she was supposed to be in there.  She was only 2 lbs, 3 oz at birth.  It is amazing how resilient and strong a tiny, fragile-looking baby can be.  Her will to live was so strong and she continues to be a head-strong, spirited little girl. She's a survivor and she demonstrates this to us every single day.

I remember the day of her birth so clearly. It is almost as if it happened just yesterday.  I was wheeled into the observation room after complaining of stomach pains (which happened to be contractions!).  After the doctors looked at me, they went on their lunch break because I "had an hour or so" to go.  I had the urge to push, despite the nurse's pleading. She did not want the baby born with no doctors in the room. Three pushes, and Little One cannon-balled her way into the world. She landed on the hospital bed and I stopped her with my foot! Of course, she was tethered by her umbilical chord, so she wasn't going to go far anyway.

The whole thing was like a whirlwind to me.  The nurse called a Code Pink, wrapped Little One (Junior at the time, since we thought we were having a boy) up in a special blanket to keep her warm, and within minutes, a medical team of doctors, nurses, and RTs came rushing in.  The baby was intubated for the first 24 hours of her life. Her Apgar scores were surprisingly good for a baby born so early. They were 6 and 9.

There was no doctor in the room to deliver Little One, so it was funny that they had to ask Hubby for the time of birth.  Hubby never got to cut the umbilical chord because the doctors needed to work quickly. After they worked on her, they wheeled her away.  I would not get to hold my newborn baby for almost two weeks.  Hubby got to follow the medical team and watch as they cleaned Little One  up and put her in her own isolette.  He got to hold her hand through the portals/windows of her isolette.  The doctors worked on me with the afterbirth and I didn't get to see my baby until nearly four or five hours later.

It was sheer agony to not be able to hold my newborn baby.  Most moms get to feel their baby's warmth when the doctors place him or her on their mom's chest. Most moms get to nurse their baby right away.  I had to wait a few weeks until Little One got stronger and bigger.  Most moms get to take their baby home with them a few days after giving birth.  I had to commute to and from the hospital every day for Little One's first 70 days of life in the NICU.

It is my hope that by spreading awareness of premature births, we can save more babies. How? By supporting NICUs everywhere. By raising funds for projects, research, testing, and even just services to help parents of preemies cope while their infants are in the NICU. That is my hope. It's probably a lofty dream, but I hope one day that the rate of premature babies won't be as high as it is now.

I never dreamed that I'd have a preemie, but I think this experience has made me appreciate motherhood so much more.  Never take your children for granted (even when you've got a screaming toddler who is driving you nuts because she wants to wear Argyle tights and nothing else).  They truly are little miracles.

November 17th is the day dedicated to raising awareness of premature births.  Join the collective effort in raising awareness of premature births by checking out Bloggers Unite - Fight for Preemies and The March of Dimes - Prematurity. 

It really is hard to believe that exactly two years ago, Little One cannon-balled her way into the world.  At only 28 weeks in the womb, she wanted to get a jump start on life on the outside.

It was a shock when the doctors told me she was coming.  I must have been in disbelief (or denial), because I honestly thought I was going to hold on until week 40! I was determined to have a full-term baby.  The surprise was on me.

I suppose Little One's entry into the world was just foreshadowing of how life would be after we brought her home.  She has definitely kept us on our toes since day one!

I feel so blessed and so lucky to be Little One's mom.  She never ceases to amaze us with all the clever things she comes up with.  Her speech is becoming clearer and clearer.  Her vocabulary and comprehension have just exploded.  She is one determined and headstrong girl.  Hubby thinks we should have given her the name "Persistence" as a middle name.  That was a joke, by the way.

So much has changed in two years!

Remember how tiny she was in her first photo with Moo? She was 3 months old in this photo. We couldn't take a photo of her on her first day since she was in the NICU, hooked up to all sorts of leads and her CPAP...and she was in an isolette/incubator. 3 months old on her actual due date. I sometimes forget how tiny she was!
Here she is on her 1st Birthday! What a little drool monster! :)
Here is Little One on her 2nd Birthday! I thought it was so cute that she was sitting "with" Moo! Check out the interlocked arms! Too cute!

Though she'll always be my baby, I realize she is two years old now.  She's got a mouth full of teeth.  She uses cutlery when she eats.  She wants to drink from "adult" cups now. Everyone keeps telling me "Welcome to the TERRIFIC Twos"!  Hmmmm...

I feel like this post does not do justice to the way I feel today.  Then again, I don't think words can ever fully or adequately describe the way being a mom makes one feel. 

I love you, Little One! Happy 2nd Birthday!

Little One is turning 2 next week.  Now that my baby is no longer a "baby", the thought of having a sibling for her has crossed my mind.  Hubby and I always wanted to have lots of children.  Now, I think two would be fine with me.

I have to say that the thought of having another baby is a bit daunting.  With my high risk pregnancy with Little One and her cannon-balling her way into this world three months early, I am a bit scared.
I am scared of having another preterm baby.  I keep thinking how lucky we were with Little One being born so soon and not having any medical issues.  She still had three more months to go in the womb where she was supposed to grow and develop. What if we have another preemie? What if we're not as lucky this time?

Everyone has been asking us when we're going to have #2.  I know their questions are innocent enough. The truth is I am scared to have another preemie.  Little One is so perfect. She is so happy, healthy, and funny.  I don't know if I can go through another high risk pregnancy.

I know that no matter what happens, we'll love our baby if we do have another one. I don't know why I'm so scared.

The one thing I'm finding out about the NaBloPoMo challenge is that it's forcing me to write about things I may not ever bring up or talk about normally.

...that two years ago (on September 16th, 2008) I was put on complete bed rest for the remainder of my pregnancy?

I remember it clearly. My wonderful cousin (who was my Maid of Honour at our wedding in 2006) was throwing me a baby shower. It was supposed to be a joyous event. It was something I was looking forward to.

On our way to Montreal, where the baby shower was being held, Hubby and I had to make a pit stop in Sudbury for my OB-GYN visit. That was the day that began my very long period of bed rest and the day that made me realize that things weren't as good as I thought they were. Until then, I thought everything was fine with my pregnancy. I knew the doctor said I was already dilating at 5 months into my pregnancy, but it didn't really hit me that this was all true. Maybe I was in denial. Maybe I was just being overly hopeful that everything would be fine. I was barely 24 weeks pregnant! That was just over halfway into my pregnancy.

Our vehicle was packed for our trip to Montreal. I happily went to our OB-GYN's office to get checked out. Life was good. I was happy, pregnant, and on my way to my baby shower and to see all the people I love.

Wrong. After checking me out, the doctor said he was sending me back to the Island. Things were worse than he thought and my cervix was dilating at an alarmingly fast rate. He said my cervix was paper thin when at this point in my pregnancy it should have been almost inpenetrable. The doctor's orders were for me to go home, be on my back at all times, except for bathroom breaks. No sitting (as it would put too much pressure on the cervix). No standing. No anything. Family members and friends were to do EVERYTHING for me. That included all cooking, housework, chores. I wasn't allowed to do ANYTHING.

Sounds good, right? Wrong. It was a nightmare. I'm the type of person who always has to be doing something. For the remainder of my very brief pregnancy, I'd be confined to a bed in the living room and having everyone cater to me. This was not how I envisioned my pregnancy to be. Who would have known that this strict bed rest would eventually end up becoming strict hospital bed rest at the hospital in Sudbury within the next few weeks and then ultimately strict hospital bed rest at Mount Sinai Hospital in Toronto?

This was two years ago. Hard to believe this all happened!

...My first ARTICLE for Mom Nation, that is!!!


That's right! Me! :)

I'm glad to be a member of Mom Nation, a social community and blog network for Canadians. I wrote my first article in a series on high risk pregnancies, bed rest during pregnancy, premature babies, and life in the NICU.

Check out the Mom Nation site. It's an ever growing community of fantastic writers and bloggers.

November 11th has always been a significant day because it is the day that we, as a nation pay our respects and give thanks to all the soldiers and civilians who made sacrifices in times of war. Most importantly, it is the day that we remember the end of World War I (November 1, 1918).

Remembrance Day/November 11th turned into a day I would never forget because that was the day Little One torpedoed out into the world. It was scary, shocking, and exciting all at once. I'm sure she will never hear the end of all the "On the day you were born" stories we will tell her every year! Really and truly, it was pretty crazy.

Hubby was already en route back to the Island from a weekend visiting me at Mount Sinai Hospital. Though we were told the baby would definitely be born preterm, we didn't really believe it would be that preterm! I was so worried that he wouldn't make it back in time for the birth of "Junior". He still thought we were having a boy, and I was half convinced "Junior" might be a girl. I guess there was a 50-50 chance one of us was right!

When I started feeling funny around 2AM, things started quickly from then on. Hubby had to do a complete turn around and drive back south to Toronto. Poor guy.

Having a baby is supposed to be an exciting thing. It was exciting, yet terrifying because Little One was just so...early! She certainly kept us busy right from the very beginning! I imagine that under normal circumstances, parents would be eagerly awaiting this moment. I was, but at the same time I kept thinking, "It's too soon. It's too soon". The nurses assured me that the doctors, nurses, RTs, and staff at Mount Sinai do this every day. My nurse told me "This is what they specialize in. This is what they do best. This is the best place for you to be right now. Do not worry. Babies are born here much earlier than your baby". She even told me that one of "her babies" was born at 24 weeks and was perfectly fine. Of course she needed assistance with breathing, had to be fed by NG tube for a while, and required lazer eye surgery. Other than that, she was perfectly fine. It was reassuring to me to hear all the success stories, but the reality of a baby born so early still scared me. I think it's all the "what ifs" that can drive a person crazy. I even asked Hubby what if our baby had brain problems, respiratory issues, etc? His response was, "It's in God's hands and we will just have to deal with it".

It makes me cry thinking about where we were this time last year. I was in a lot of pain and Little One literally flew out with no doctors in the room! A Code Pink was called and the medical team rushed in almost immediately. It was crazy.

I cannot believe that this all happened on this day a year ago. Now Little One is celebrating her first birthday. She's a year old! Well, still only 9 months old (corrected age). She's come so far and is perfectly healthy. She's done a lot of growing and learning in the past 12 months! What a wild year it's been!

*Code Pink: The emergency code used for a medical emergency in an infant (less than 1 month). Code Pink Team: ED Physician, Neonatologist, RTs, NICU staff, 1st/2nd person on scene.

It amazes me that this time last year I was on hospital bed rest at Mount Sinai Hospital and had no idea that Little One would be arriving the very next day.

In hindsight, I think I was in denial. I think I was hoping to hold out until at least week 30 or 32 of my pregnancy. 28 weeks was so early! In a way, perhaps my believing that I'd "hang in there" helped Little One stay in as long as she did. The girl was determined to come out early though!

I remember the night so clearly. I felt like things just weren't "right" and that perhaps I was going into preterm labour. I had no idea what contractions were supposed to feel like. I was quite sure what was going on!

Hubby had driven to Toronto from the Island for the weekend and was headed back to the Island that night. Luckily he stopped at his sister's place in Barrie for the evening and was able to make it back down to Toronto for Little One's birth.

As I look back at posts I had written from this time last year, I'm so glad I was able to capture all the events leading up to Little One's birth. While I typed on my laptop from my hospital bed, we got to see history in the making with Barak Obama as the new president of the United States. I blogged about all the fabulous hospital food and how truly long and uneventful my days in the hospital were. I blogged about how much I missed my husband, who was six hours away by car. I also blogged about how wonderful the support of family and friends was through it all. Thank you all so much.

It's hard to believe that November is already here. In but a few days, my sweet Little One will be a year old.

I started taking on the NaBloPoMo (National Blog Posting Month) Challenge back in 2007. My blog began as a way for me to keep in touch with friends, family and students since I had moved to an island far away from the life I once knew. Though I enjoyed blogging, I found myself sometimes in a rut and was lacking interesting things to blog about.

Enter NaBloPoMo. The challenge to post every day for a month was great. Oh, and it was definitely a challenge!

Last year at this time, I was in a hospital bed and hoping to keep my unborn baby inside me for as long as I could. The doctors and nurses kept telling me that "every extra day inside makes a world of difference". So...there I was, on strict bed rest and blogging from my hospital bed. I blogged about reading devouring the entire Twilight series (all four HUGE books) in less than a week. What else is a bedridden pregnant woman supposed to do when she's not even allowed to leave her bed other than to go to the bathroom? :) I even blogged about all the delicious hospital food (Ha!).

As I look back at some of the posts from this time last year, I cannot believe what we went through. Just going through last year's posts made me cry. It was a scary time for us. With Hubby being on the Island (6 hours away from Toronto) and me at Mount Sinai Hospital, it was HARD. Some days I thought I'd "hang in" there and Little One (or "Junior" at the time) would stay put until term. Though the doctors told me that she would be born very early, I kept thinking that twenty-something weeks was just too early and I was convinced that I'd deliver her at thirty-something weeks.

When the doctors, specialists, Neonatologists, pediatricians, and other staff at Mt. Sinai came into my hospital room to talk to me about the realities we may have to face with having a very premature baby, it was all a blur. The information just went in one ear and out the other. It was so scary to think of what could happen if a baby is born so early.

Anyway, I'm sitting here writing this with Little One turning a year old in a little over a week. In some weird way, I think NaBloPoMo helped me get through the craziness of last year and Little One's early arrival. NaBlo helped me get my feelings, fears, and worries about delivering a preterm baby out in the open. It helped occupy time time while on bed rest. It also helped me by having family, friends, and fellow bloggers offering experiences and sharing support.

Here's to my third year of NaBloPoMo. I will certainly try to post every day for the month of November. Posting will most likely be when Little One is in bed for the night though. If you are participating in the NaBloPoMo challenge, let me know and I'll try to check out your daily posts.

xo

In 16 days, Little One will be turning 1 year old. I was talking to some of the moms I spent time with at Mount Sinai Hospital when our babies were in the NICU. Little One spent the first two months of her life in the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit). The moms and I were reliving the first few days and weeks of our babies' rocky beginnings.

Turning a year old is bittersweet. Certainly, we have a lot to be thankful for. Our babies made it so far and they are thriving. After being born so early, this first year is really worth celebrating. It's a big thing! At the same time, I realize that Little One is...going to be a year old!!! This makes me sad in a way.

It means my baby is growing up. She's not going to be a "baby" baby anymore. She rolling, sitting, standing, scooting around (backwards only still!), feeding herself, entertaining herself, babbling and singing...she even drank from a cup two nights ago! Yes, Grampy gave her some apple juice for the first time, and not even from a sippy cup! From a big person cup!!! She drank the apple juice and enjoyed it. Grampy also gave her a french fry the other day. Oh, boy. I have a sneaky suspicion Little One is going to be spoiled when she goes to Grampy's and Lola's house! At home, I make all of her baby food and I am pretty anal about what she eats. No wonder she loves Grampy so much! ;)

Little One's relationship with Grampy reminds me of the relationship my brothers, cousins and I had with our grandfather. My Mom would tell my grandfather not to give us gum because we always swallowed it. We were little! We didn't know the difference between gum and chewy candy! My grandfather would always wait until Mom left and then give us candy. I will never forget the smile on his face and him whispering "Don't tell your Mom!".

Lola made Little One laugh at supper time tonight. Little One gave her grandma some pretty loud belly laughs! We got it on video, but Lola wants to screen the video first before it gets posted! :)

Little One turning a year old just makes me cry. This time last year, I was at Mount Sinai Hospital on bed rest. Gavie's Gal, AvoidEverything, FancyPantsyMomma, Humps'NBump and several family members of mine and Hubby's came to visit me while I was on strict bed rest. We still didn't even know the sex of Little One (and were convinced we were having a boy!). We were calling the baby "Junior" on the blog back then!

Halloween is my favourite non-holiday of the year!


When I was a kid, Halloween was one of the most exciting days of the year for me. My brothers, cousins, friends and I would go house to house in our costumes and see how much candy we could haul in. We lived in the suburbs just outside Montreal, and the neighbourhood we lived in always had the best (and the most) candy (at least that's what we thought when we were kids!). Sometimes we'd have to stop off at home to empty out our pillow cases (pillow cases are stronger than plastic bags or those cute (yet cheap) plastic jack 'o lantern/pumpkin shaped buckets we used to lug around. The handle would always break after the twelfth house or so. We got smart and started bringing pillow cases instead!

It was a sad year when I finally felt I was too old to go trick or treating. At least I had a baby brother who was (and still is!) eleven years younger than me! I figured that if I took him out trick or treating, at least he'd share some of his loot with me!

When I was teaching in Japan and in Toronto, I would dress up and go all out for my students every Halloween. The students and I would decorate the classroom. They'd learn about the history of Halloween. We'd have costume contests and a big party. Since all of our students were ESL students and from countries that didn't celebrate Halloween, it was so very new to them. They had a blast!

Hubby and I would dress up in costume, put on some spooky sound effects and music, decorate the house...and we always did a haunted house motif. My first year on the Island, I bought enough candy and little gift bags for 300 kids. We only had 10 trick or treaters! I didn't realize that in the country, there were so much fewer children around. I suppose if we lived in one of the other townships where there were houses closer to each other, we'd get more trick or treaters. We live in the countryside where our neighbours are stretches and stretches apart.

This being Little One's first Halloween, I was thinking about what kind of family traditions we can start for her. I know she will not remember this Halloween because she's still a baby. I know she can't even go trick or treating because she can't even eat candy!

I was at my friend's house on Friday and while Little One and her son were having a play date, we were catching up and enjoying some conversation that did not involve "Say Mama!" or "Time to eat! Open up! Yummmmm!". My friend invited us to partake in their Halloween tradition with them. In the past few years, they have stopped giving out candy because they don't really get any trick or treaters in their area. Along with some other friends of ours, they just take their kids trick or treating in "town" and then they all go to the Halloween party at the community center/hall.

Now that we've got a little one, I think it is so important for us to do things as a family and create lasting memories for our little girl. Yes, she'll only be a few weeks short of a year old (or 9 months corrected), but I'm so excited about her first Halloween! This time last year, I was on strict hospital bed rest and couldn't even see the doctors' kids and some of the other moms' kids all decked out in costume at Mt. Sinai.Just testing out Little One's first Halloween costume. She's such a cute little ladybug!

A year ago, Little One was still inside me. I was so excited to be approaching my third trimester. I couldn't wait to be as big as a house and to feel that baby in me kicking like crazy.

A year ago, around this time, the ultrasound technician spotted something during the ultrasound that sent me on weeks and weeks of bed rest. Bathroom privileges only. I'm so glad she caught that "problem". She noticed that my cervix had already effaced and that it was so thin that the baby could arrive any day. I was not even in my third trimester.

Today, I received my monthly newsletter from Mount Sinai Hospital. I also received a letter for donations. Whenever this time of the month rolls by, I get kind of weepy.

Had it not been for the technician on the Island catching the abnormally thin measurements from my ultrasound, and for my OB-GYN sending me to Toronto by air ambulance, and for the medical team at Mount Sinai taking such good care of us, Little One would not be here today.

Mount Sinai Hospital saved our baby's life.

My weeks in 7 South were filled with daily visits from doctors, nurses, specialists, and social workers. Everyone was there to take care of the baby and me, and prepare me of what was to come and what may come. The reality of having a baby born so early never really hit me. Perhaps I was in denial. Perhaps I just wanted to believe that everything would be okay. Perhaps I just knew that everything would be okay in the end. One can never tell.

After Little One made her dramatic entrance into the world, the weeks following her birth were the longest weeks I've ever experienced. The doctors, RTs and nurses in the NICU and Level II nursery took such good care of Little One. From being a tiny 980 g baby at birth, she was well over 5 lbs when she was ready to come home. She went from having all the leads hooked up onto her, an NG tube to feed her, and CPAP to nothing at all!

I am forever grateful and indebted to Mount Sinai. Whenever that letter for donations comes around, I have to say "OF COURSE!!! It's because of you that our daughter is here with us today! Of course we will support you!".

Of course, when I think of my time on bed rest and my time visiting Little One in the hospital every day after she was born until we finally got to take her home, I think of the friends and family who supported me through that very challenging time.

Thank you, a million times over! I have to thank my aunt and uncle for letting me stay at their house and for being so good to me for the two months Little One was in the NICU. Thank you to Gavie's Gal, Nathanial's Mommy, FancyPantsyMomma, Humps n Bump, AvoidEverything, and so many other good friends for coming in to visit the baby and me, have a meal with me, sit with me, and just be there for me. Thank you to Merinz, Ms.Mamma, TellingMom for your phone calls. Thank you to everyone who sent prayers, positive thoughts, e-mail, cards, and letters. Thank you for everything. With friends like you, I'll always be rich.

On an entirely separate note, Little One had her very fist experience with clay today! Tired from a very busy Labour Day weekend, Little One and I took it easy today. Our beautiful friend, S came over with potter's clay and all the tools for making something to put Little One's hand and foot prints on.I commented on how quickly Little One is growing and how her tiny hands are no longer tiny anymore! Well, if you consider the fact that her hands were the same size as my husband's thumb nail when she was born! Her hands were tiny at birth! She was tiny at birth!

S suggested capturing her imprint in clay to remember how little she was. What a great idea!
Seeing my beautiful, healthy, thriving, funny, curious little girl just makes me cry...because we are so blessed to have her in our lives. She really is a beautiful, bright ray of sunshine.

I think I'm tired. Actually, I think I'm exhausted. It's just starting to hit me that I have been away from home since October. My baby is almost six weeks old and I have been in Toronto for over eight weeks.

November has come to a close and so has NaBloPoMo. Thinking about this past month, I think I was crazy to even attempt to write a blog post every day for this month! In some ways, it has been a good distraction though and it has really helped me "deal" with things on this end. It's been therapeutic...cathartic even.

In a way I'm relieved that November is over, but I'm saddened at the same time. I'm sad that I didn't really get to enjoy the last trimester of my pregnancy. The last trimester is when the baby is supposed to do the last of her growing and developing inside the womb. Instead, she was born way too soon. I suppose Little One has got some pretty big plans of her own. She seems to want to do things quickly and on her schedule :) Being born twelve weeks early and keeping her parents on their toes for most of the pregnancy makes me think that she's going to keep us very, very busy! ;)

November in review:
* I was enjoying my pregnancy, but it was discovered that my cervix was already effaced at 24 weeks pregnant.
* I was on complete bed rest for the last few weeks of my very short pregnancy (from week 24 to 28).
* I was hospitalized and remained on strict bed rest in the hospital.
* I was air-lifted by air ambulance to Toronto.
* I had to be without my husband for the weeks that I was in hospital with visits only every other week (if lucky).
* On the up side, my friends and family in Toronto came to visit me and spend time with me while I was in the hospital. I even had family from Montreal and Kingston come visit.
* I was told I'd probably have my baby two weeks into my hospital stay, but we were going to try to keep that baby inside me for as many weeks as we could. We were aiming for week 32 or 34!
* I ended up going in to labour two weeks into my hospital stay. Darn! My OB-GYN was right!
* My baby just flew out of me and pretty much delivered herself. Seriously, there were no doctors in the room when she was born! Boy, did they ever come running in fast as soon as the Code Pink was called though!
* My baby girl was born very prematurely and it has been an emotional roller coaster for me. With Hubby 6 hrs away and baby in the NICU, it's been emotionally draining.
* Things are looking bright now. The Little One is very stable, tolerating feeds, tolerating breathing room air (she's even saturating at 100% most of the time), she's gaining weight and developing quite the personality already. She gained 40 g overnight and now weighs 1150 g.
* Oh, and my beloved feline baby, Trouble died in my absence. Totally heart-wrenching! I never expected to be in Toronto, delivering a baby 12 weeks early, having to be hospitalized, having my baby in the NICU for the next few months AND have my beloved pet die. *sigh*In retrospect, the first two weeks of Little One's life have been very hard for me. Though it has been the happiest time of my life, it's also been the scariest, saddest, loneliest. Even if you're in a city surrounded by people all the time, one can still manage to feel lonely. Now that I've gotten used to my new routine and know that the baby is stable, very strong and doing really well, I feel more comfortable and confident in how things are going. Life in the NICU is really good. She's in the best care possible and she's doing what she is supposed to be doing...growing and developing. The nurses and doctors at Mount Sinai are amazing. I'm feeling really good about the way things are progressing.

November seems to have just whizzed by. It went by so fast that everything is so much of a blur to me. At first it seemed like what was supposed to have been the happiest day of my life had turned out to be the most traumatic day of my life. Having my first baby wasn't supposed to be like that. Well, that's how it happened and I'm sure one day when the Little One is older, she'll enjoy hearing all about her birth story. Luckily her Mommy was able to capture it all on the blog. November is over, but this is just the beginning of our new life with the Little One.Though I probably won't be able to write daily posts on the blog, I will continue to give updates on the baby when I can and I will try my best to visit (and comment) on all my favourite blogs. Thanks again, everyone! XOXO