Tuesday, November 02, 2010

NaBloPoMo Day 2: Fear


Little One is turning 2 next week.  Now that my baby is no longer a "baby", the thought of having a sibling for her has crossed my mind.  Hubby and I always wanted to have lots of children.  Now, I think two would be fine with me.

I have to say that the thought of having another baby is a bit daunting.  With my high risk pregnancy with Little One and her cannon-balling her way into this world three months early, I am a bit scared.
I am scared of having another preterm baby.  I keep thinking how lucky we were with Little One being born so soon and not having any medical issues.  She still had three more months to go in the womb where she was supposed to grow and develop. What if we have another preemie? What if we're not as lucky this time?

Everyone has been asking us when we're going to have #2.  I know their questions are innocent enough. The truth is I am scared to have another preemie.  Little One is so perfect. She is so happy, healthy, and funny.  I don't know if I can go through another high risk pregnancy.

I know that no matter what happens, we'll love our baby if we do have another one. I don't know why I'm so scared.

The one thing I'm finding out about the NaBloPoMo challenge is that it's forcing me to write about things I may not ever bring up or talk about normally.

7 comments:

Cindy said...

I'm not in Toronto either, (2 hours away), but wshen pregnant, I'm followed by the high-risk department at Mount Sinai due to genetic issues. After dd, we had a boy who died at 3 days. :( And two miscarriages since. I'd still like to have another, but am completely scared. The risk for me for any pregnancy is 25% that the baby will die a few days after birth (full-term) due to genetic issues. So I completely understand the scared factor!

C said...

Cindy:
Thank you so much for commenting and for sharing. Can I tell you that when I read your comment, I CRIED!?!?!

The one thing I found at Sinai was that the other parents in the NICU understood my fears and what we were going through...because we were all going through similar things. It's hard to explain these fears and concerns to others who haven't had to go through anything like what we went through. It's hard to not be scared.

Thank you again for sharing. Big hugs! XOXOXO

hotmommy said...

aw hun, you know that this might not happen again. your doc even said so, ad at least this time they can keep an eye out in case. all will be fine. hey it was nice talking to you the other night. so happy yoru in my life.

merinz said...

I can understand your fears. We lost our first little boy at full term and the next pregnancy was nine months of nightmares.

In those days there were no scans etc to reassure us that all was well. And all was well - we went on to have four in total!

And you will be fine - I just know it! And we, and the doctors, will be with you all the way.

Lots of aroha to you both.

Frau Guten Tag said...

I'm sure it's hard to have a pretermer & a tough pregnancy like that, BUT I do have to point out that she's perfect, so I wouldn't worry too much, even if the next one does come early. Sure not everyone is so lucky, but there are never any guarantees in life & you can't live life not doing things out of fear IMO. I don't say that in a harsh way, hoping to be motivating :)

Frau Guten Tag said...

I should also add that I was told I'd never get pregnant EVER without fertility treatments (which I refused) & so then when I was pregnant I was told there was a good chance the baby wouldn't survive. I had to follow 4 docs throughout the pregnancy & was high risk all the way, going on modified bed rest at the beginning of the third trimester. I was AMAZED that I made it full term & then after over 24 hours of labor we lost his heartbeat COMPLETELY, I cannot even put into words what I was feeling at that point. After going through all of this, to lose him at that point, I was so devastated, all I could do was pray. And despite all of that I have my happy & super healthy boy & I praise God every day for him.

Of course I feel I'm too old to try again, am already hitting the beginning of menopause, but I wouldn't let fear stop me.

Anonymous said...

Honey, Of course your fearful - that's what makes you a good mother. Fear never leaves us. No-one can say with 100% certainty that someone who is having a seemingly normal, healthy pregnancy will not have something go wrong at delivery. I've been pregnant 4 times, delivered early each time and only have 3 children in my home with me. If I had let fear overcome me I would have never had my two girls after I lost my second son. Well, the fact that I'm competetive helped too - don't tell me I can't have another baby. Try looking at it this way. This time you have an arsenal of information. You are educated in high risk pregnancies and the NICU. You are aware of what precautions need to be taken and have a wonderful support system. Nothing in life is a guarantee, but if anyone can do it it's you.................with all of us helping and cheering you on along the way. xoxoxoxo Kristen

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City girl moves to the country, falls in love, and marries a farmer. She tries to incorporate her city ways with her new country lifestyle and blogs to keep in touch with friends, family & students who live far, far away :) Can this city girl go country? Watch as she learns all sorts of exciting things about life on the farm and in a small rural community. *UPDATE* We are now parents! Our baby girl was born on Nov. 11, 2008 (at 28 weeks gestation- 12 weeks premature, but she's quite the trooper)!!!
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