Tuesday, May 14, 2013

The Saddest Day

I was finishing up some last minute work for a campaign when I looked at the clock on the bottom right hand corner of my computer screen.  All of a sudden an overwhelming sense of sadness washed over me. The date! The date made me burst out in tears. It was a reminder of the saddest day of my life.

My grandmother passed away a year ago tomorrow.

May 15, 2012. I still cry every time I think of her.

Sometimes I feel like I'm going bonkers, because one minute life is amazing and so many fabulous things are  happening for us. The next minute, I'm just so sad. Weepy...and missing her so very much.

My heart hurts so much, I feel like I can't breathe.

Still thinking of you each and every day, Lola.

Tonight we'll celebrate your life by lighting a candle for you, saying a prayer, and cooking some Filipino food like you used to make.


Cathy said...

I am so sorry for your loss. Please cry, remember,think of,look at pictures,hug someone,cry and most important talk about her. Try this ... every time you think of her think of that as making a new memory of her and as long as you are thinking of her she will live on.
I do understand that it is so crushing so life sucking but for her memory you must try and think of all the wonderful times and fabulous pictures there are of her. With time you will think of her and smile.

Christine McN said...

Thank you SO much for that. Reading your comment made me smile (and cry all at the same time)! :)

newcountrymama said...

Christine, I am so sorry for your loss. I know everyone says these words but there really are no words to say that justify how I feel. I feel your loss. It sounds like you had a special relationship with your grandma. Time does heal a bit but never makes you forget. Your friend gave good advice to cry and remember and smile as well at her memory. My special grandparent died when I was 10. I still feel the loss even though I was a child but when I think of him or am doing an activity that we did together (gardening) I feel closer to him and feel I am honouring his memory. Hugs to you and light another candle and enjoy her recipes. Through you family lives on.

Christine McN said...


In my heart I know you are right :) Some days, I'm perfectly fine. I'm the happy, cheerful person most people think I am. Other days, I'm a blubbering mess.

Christine McN said...


THANK YOU SO MUCH for your wonderful comment. It really means a lot to me. xoxo

F NM said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. Having lost my mother and grandmother I know the feeling. I'm sure she would be proud of the awesome woman you are. I lost the only grandparent I ever had the opportunity to know 6 years ago this weekend. Life moves on, but the date is always a reminder of where you were when it happened.

J at www.jellyjules.com said...

Losing her left a hole in your life, and your heart. It would be lying to ignore that, and it would dishonor her. You will never stop missing her. Never. The pain will get easier, though...I promise. And that won't mean you don't care anymore, or that you love her any less. Just that you will have adjusted, I guess, as much as that sucks.

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City girl moves to the country, falls in love, and marries a farmer. She tries to incorporate her city ways with her new country lifestyle and blogs to keep in touch with friends, family & students who live far, far away :) Can this city girl go country? Watch as she learns all sorts of exciting things about life on the farm and in a small rural community. *UPDATE* We are now parents! Our baby girl was born on Nov. 11, 2008 (at 28 weeks gestation- 12 weeks premature, but she's quite the trooper)!!!
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