Middle Bro and his wife (my beautiful SIL), Lele introduced their two princesses to the world last week. My gorgeous little nieces were born in K-town. Aren't they just scrumptious??? My parents went from having just one grandchild to having FOUR!!! Little One and the twins were actually due two weeks apart, but Little One decided to come two months early! The twins were a bit early too (born at 35 weeks gestation).
Now my adorable little nephew is a big cousin AND a big brother!

Of course, I had to add some photos of Little One! Here's our little princess holding my hand. Just chillin' with Daddy :)

This is a little belated, but congrats to Fancy Pantsy on the birth of her precious little one as well!

*The first three photos are courtesy of Lttle Nephew's (and The Twins') Nana. Thanks for e-mailing the photos, Nana x4!!!* xoxo

We are finally home. It's been a long two months (two and a bit, actually). Little One was transfered from Mount Sinai to the hospital in the closest "big city" to us on January 13th and was able to come home on the 18th.

One of the nurses at Mount Sinai told me that should I ever write a book about Little One's dramatic entrance into the world, I should entitle the book "Confessions of a Preemie Drama Queen" or "Code Pink Baby". Everything about Little One has been nothing short of dramatic. Her spontaneous birth to her adventures in the NICU...and then being airlifted to her step down hospital. *sigh* I'm surprised I survived all the drama. When I think of everything that has happened, it amazes me that we are finally home. I never thought I was a "strong" person. This whole experience taught me otherwise.Bath time before the big trip! This will be Little One's second airplane trip already and she was only 37 weeks corrected in this photo.One of the nurses was telling Little One that she was about to go on another big adventure! It was so funny because it looked like Little One was really paying attention and listening!
Being airlifted by air ambulance. Brrrrr! It was COLD!
Little One charmed the pants off of the paramedics too. Too funny!
Hubby was so happy to have his girls back home :)

Never in a million years would I have imagined having to go through what Little One, Hubby and I had to go through in the 38 weeks of her life. It's funny to think that in two weeks she will have reached her "due date".
Grandma was so excited to finally be able to hold Little One!
I know...enough with the baby photos already! :) I just can't get over how this tiny 2 lb, 3 oz preemie turned into this 5 lb, 9 oz little girlie! I'm also amazed at how long her eye lashes are! Just like her Daddy's! I'm jealous! Little One won't have to wear mascara like her Mama! I've got really skimpy Asian lashes :(
Look how happy she is to be home sweet home! :) Oh, and check out the rolls on her! Aren't they just scrumptious?!

As if life weren't "exciting" enough, at rounds this morning I was informed that Little One would be transferred. That's right. We are leaving Toronto.

I felt a mix of excitement, nervousness, stress, anxiety (mainly over figuring out the logistics of things) and sadness (I really am going to miss Mount Sinai since it was my life for the past two months.). Everything happened so quickly and I feel sad that I won't get to say goodbye to everyone. I wanted to say goodbye to all the nurses and doctors who took care of Little One, as well as all the mommies I became friends with while their babies were in the NICU and Level 2 Nursery with Little One.

Little One will be air lifted to "the closest big city" to the Island sometime in the morning. Whether or not I will be able to fly with her is yet to be determined. I hope I can get on the air ambulance with her. If not, this raises a whole new set of worries and anxiety for me.

I just can't get over how quickly things go here. Everything just happened so fast. One minute, we're all settled into a nice routine and comfortable with all the nurses, the doctors, the schedules...and the next minute we are getting transferred.

We will be a little bit closer to home, but still two hours away. Oh well. Everything regarding Little One's birth has been dramatic (including her entrance into the world). I guess it would be silly to think that the rest of her life will be anything less than exciting and action-packed.

Little One is worth all of the craziness I've had to go through over the past sixty-three days. As hard as it has been to go through having a preemie in the hospital for two months and having to do it without my husband with me, I would do it again if I had to. Whenever I look at her perfect little face, I want to cry. I keep thinking that we made her!!! Seriously! Hubby and I made this perfect little human being! We made a human being! It's not like making a cake or anything! It's unbelievable.

I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. The nurse today told me that she doesn't think Little One even needs her NG tube anymore, since she can take all her feeds from breast and from bottle. Her low-flow is coming off tomorrow, so hopefully she will have nothing on her cute little face! All the tubes and things sticking out of her cute little nose will be gone if things go well.

Though the end of her stay in hospital is near, it's still not nearly close enough. There was talk that she may be transferred to another hospital (the one where my friend, Fancy Pantsy had her baby last week). Little One may or may not be moved from Mt. Sinai. I was hoping that she'd just get discharged from Mt. Sinai and that we can finally go home!!!

Little One is doing GREAT :) It's just me that is having a rough time. Living in Toronto for the two months that she has been in hospital is expensive. I'm fortunate that my aunt and uncle have been so great and have taken me into their home. They have been wonderful and I couldn't have gone through this whole giving birth to a preemie/getting air lifted to Toronto/having baby hospitalized for two months without them. The kicker is that even though I've been lucky to have had this support, there's also transportation, food, and miscellaneous expenses that I have incurred while stuck in Toronto Little One gets ready to come home from the hospital. My cell phone bill was so crazy that when I saw the bill, I wasn't sure if I was going to pass out or throw up. *sigh*

It's all worth it in the end. Little One is a healthy, strong, active, alert baby girl. I just cannot wait to get her home so we can have some semblance of normalcy.

...for moms (and/or dads) who have babies in the NICU or Level 2 Nursery.

...but not in a bad way.

Whenever I look at my Little One, my heart hurts. It swells with emotion. It's something so overwhelming and words cannot seem to explain the feelings I have for her. I look at her and I think of the miracle she truly is. She is absolute perfection, all wrapped up in the tiniest of packages. She amazes me.

Okay, apparently keeping away from the blog was a lot more difficult than I thought it would be. I thought I was going to close shop, but now I'm not so sure. Yes, at times it feels like a bit much to keep up with, but at the same time it has been very therapeutic.

That's right. Little One is 55 already! 55 days old, that is! She's also just a little over 5 lbs! Pretty incredible since she was only 2 lbs, 3 oz at birth!

Little One is very alert and active. She loves listening to Bach, Beethoven, and Mozart. She is entranced by her mobile and intrigued by her reflection in her mirror. She loves her bath and when I read to her, she watches me attentively. She is a very sweet baby and doesn't cry much. When she does, she self-soothes within a few seconds. She only cries when she is disturbed (when taking her temperature or when the nurses take blood from her tiny foot).

I also have some other news. I'm thinking of taking a break from the blog and the blog world. I'll miss it, but it's also been a source of stress. I've had a few comments and e-mails about my last post (as well as other posts) that have just added to the stress I already have with everything that is going on with the baby being in the hospital. I don't have the time or energy to deal with all the negativity.

I am having a very hard time dealing with everything regarding the baby (and the baby being in the hospital) on my own here. I've been very fortunate to be staying with my aunt and uncle, who have been so helpful in so many ways. This said, I'm far away from my husband and my home and I just want my baby to be able to come home with us soon. It's been a long two months and I am getting tired. Every mother I have spoken to has said that having a baby is an emotional time. That is true...and having a baby very preterm AND being in the hospital for two months is even more emotional.

Thanks again, everyone. I'll be in touch with some of you outside of the blog world.
C
XOXO

A few days ago, I was taking the subway back after a day spent at the hospital with my baby girl. I've been feeling like a walking zombie these days because I'm just so tired. Tired of commuting to have to see my baby in the hospital! Anyway, I fell asleep probably before Union Station and opened my eyes when we reached Queen or Dundas. I looked up and there was this very pregnant woman standing in front of me. I quickly jumped up, hopped off my seat and said, "Excuse me. Would you like to sit down?" She gladly accepted and gestured to the man sitting next to me and said, "Yes, thank you! I thought that man was going to let me sit, but I guess there are no gentlemen left in the world." I knew she was being sarcastic and we both chuckled. I was shocked that no one offered her a seat. The subway was packed, but wouldn't you think that people would offer up their seat to anyone who was in need (like someone pregnant)?

"I would have offered you my seat earlier had I not fallen asleep", I said. "Oh, no problem. Thank you so much".

I asked her where she was from, because I detected a Monterrey accent. Yes, she was from Mexico and was surprised that I knew where she was from. We talked about how I teach ESL and have lots of Mexican students. We also chatted a bit in Spanish, and I apologized for being a bit rusty. She was just excited to be able to speak Spanish with me.

I then asked her where she was going to have her baby and she said, "I don't know if you know this place. It's Mount Sinai". "Oh! That's where my baby was born! I gave birth to her a few weeks ago!" "Oh! You just had a baby?! Do you want to sit down???" I said no and insisted that she sit down. We talked about Little One and her dramatic entrance into the world. Before I knew it, we had reached my stop. We departed as two long lost friends would. She was surprised to have met someone so friendly on a crowded subway.

I thought about that on the bus ride back to the place I am staying at. Why should it be such a surprise to meet someone friendly? It sometimes feels like we seem to lose that 'ability' or 'want' when it comes to being kind to strangers. Anyway, I left the subway station feeling pretty good and the conversation did make the ride seem to go by faster.

One last strange story before I call it a night. I had a disturbing (to me) conversation today with someone pretty close to me. It went something like this:

PersonWhoShallRemainUnnamed: When you get back home with the baby you will have to do something about that weight. You have a lot of work ahead of you to get rid of all that weight and get healthy.

Me: (in total disbelief) I just had a baby seven weeks ago. Actually, I now weigh less than I did BEFORE I got pregnant. (Sheesh! Why are we having this conversation now? I've got a lot to deal with right now...namely having a baby in the hospital and desperately wanting her to be able to leave the level2 nursery so we can go home!)

PersonWhoShallRemainUnnamed: Hmph. Okay. You say what you want. I think you know deep down what you need to do.

Me: I cannot believe we are having this conversation.

PersonWhoShallRemainUnnamed: Fine. I'm not going to go there. You know what you need to do though.

Okay, perhaps said person has my best interests at heart, but most of the time it feels like said person is just being hurtful. I know that I will never be a size 0. I never was a size 0. Hubby and I are active and we eat healthy. At home I cook all our meals from scratch, we eat fresh produce that is mostly from our garden, and we don't eat much food that has preservatives or additives in it. Everything is mostly homemade and healthy.

If PersonWhoShallRemainUnnamed were the poster child for healthy living, perhaps I might not be so upset. However, said person is not the picture of good health, so why is said person beating down on me when said person has a lot of health issues to contend with himself? It just made me so mad.

I just had a baby a few weeks ago. I've been commuting, breastfeeding, walking a great amount, running on no sleep...and have been losing weight because of this craziness ever since being discharged from the hospital. All of my clothes were too big that I had to buy new jeans and pants and my wedding ring and engagement ring are so loose now that they just slip off my finger. Actually, Hubby has been telling me that he hopes I don't disappear on him because every time he sees me (when he comes to Toronto to be with us every two weeks) he tells me not to keep shrinking so much.

By the way, I told Hubby about my rings being too big on me and he suggested getting them resized. I said I think I need new ones! ;) Just kidding!