Friday, July 07, 2006

too serious a topic to post?

I'm not sure whether this is too serious to post about, but it is something I've been thinking about so that I can help a friend of mine. This is not a topic I like to think about, as I know the emotional and psychological trauma it can cause.

The big question is....what is your opinion on abortion?

This friend of mine is quite young and though she has a boyfriend, they are not at a stage that one would call 'stable' yet. She has a very promising future ahead of her and who knows if this guy will end up staying with her in the end.

Now, I feel very strongly that a baby does not choose to be conceived and I know how hard it would be to take away a life like that. At the same time, she has to think of what is best for this baby. Would it be selfish to keep the baby so one would not feel the guilt of having terminated its life? What kind of life would a young parent be able to offer their child if she was not ready to be a mom?

I told her that many women have raised children on their own, without the help of a 'father' and their kids turned out amazingly. Tough decision and I am so glad I do not have to make this choice. I just want my friend to know that whatever she decides, the decision is ultimately hers and I will support her no matter what she decides to do. I do have to say that I may be a tad biased, as everyone knows how much J and I would really love to have kids right now and can't wait to start our own family :)

I can't give any answers or say what she ought to do. Ultimately, it is her decision.


Jill said...

Well, it is a hard one. I can see both sides. Yes, many women do bring up babies on their own, and do a great job of it, and are very happy. There are also many single moms that are unable to meet their kids needs well. There are also many that do a great job of it, but are very resentful and unhappy doing it.

If she is anti-abortion, she has made her decision. She will have the baby, and need to decide if she will keep it or not.

Of she is pro-choice, she has a bigger decision...whether or not to have the baby, and if she does have the baby, whether or not to keep it.

I guess your friend really needs to decide if she can do it on her own (if she will have the support she really will need to do it well), and whether or not she wants to, and go from there.

As for me, if I had an unplanned pregnancy, regardless of whether I was single or not, I would consider abortion. I would feel horrible about it, but I would consider it as I would not want to have an unwanted child. So if I had an unplanned pregnany, I would consider whether or not I wanted the child, and if I didn't, I think I would abort.

As much as I think adoption is wonderful and it is wonderful to carry a baby and have it brought up by a family who want to love and care for the child, I would not do it. I would not continue the pregnancy unless I planned to keep the baby. I just know I could not put myself through the emotional, physical, familial, financial, professional and social upheaval of a pregnany if I was not going to keep the baby. I know that is selfish, but since I am pro-choice, it is how I feel.

That said, I have always been VERY CAREFUL with birth control and can honestly say I have not even once had unprotected sex (even though I have had an active sex life since for 10 year until I got PG) until I was ready to try and get pregnant, as abortion is something I do not take lightly and know would be very, very hard on me.

Chrissy121875 said...

Thanks, Jill. I honestly don't know what else I can say to my friend. I know that should she decide to have an abortion, it can emotionally scar her. At the same time, having this baby and not being ready for it may lead her to resent the fact she had it later on. I don't know. I know what I'd do at this point in my life, but what's right for me may not be right for her.

Abortions should in no way be treated lightly. I know a few people who have had three or four abortions. That to me does not make sense. Why don't you just be more careful next time? I don't understand why one would let themselves go through all that pain emotionally, spiritually, phystically, mentally, etc.

I guess I can say what I'd do now because I'm in a place where we want lots of children in our lives and we're ready for it. If I were in her position, I seriously do not know what I'd do. I know what I'd want to do though...but again, I can't tell anyone to keep their child if they are not sure if they can do it on their own or not. What a scary feeling it must be :(

Chrissy121875 said...

PS. She's seven weeks along and the doc says she has until the 25th to decide...

As much as I don't want her to end the baby's life (okay, some people would say it's not a baby, but a fetus), if she were going to go through with the abortion, I'd say she shouldn't wait much longer :( Seven weeks...yikes!

Stephen said...

My opinion on abortion:

Getting rid of a fetus is better than raising a child (for the rest of your life) in circumstances that you're not prepared for as this will most adversely not only afftect you but your partner as well and all family & friends caught in the middle. Most importantly of all, the child will be affected and, in the end, it's in the childs best interests that you should be thinking of as you will be tinking of its best interests for the rest of your life should you chose to have it.

Anonymous said...

Your friend has a serious decision to make,but an abortion or keeping it is not the only about adoption. There are so many people out there wanting to be parents who aren't able to have kids of their own. I have a few friends who have given their children up for adoption due to this similar reason and they have pictures of their kids as well as letters telling them how they are doing. These kids know the story and know what happened and all parties involved are happy and content. I am not saying this goes for everyone, as Jill had said, if she were to go through with the pregnancy she would keep the baby, I am in the same boat. Everyone is different. Your friend just needs to think and know all of her choices to make an informed decision thats best for her.

Chrissy121875 said...

Yes, it's a really tough situation to be in. I used to be the most fanatic pro-life person and being raised Roman Catholic, I thought/felt one would be damned for life if one committed any sin, and abortion was one of them. Now, I feel really torn. I don't exactly feel it is right, but I don't exactly feel my friend ought to have the baby if she cannot support it right now. Being a parent is a challenge at times, and being a parent with no support from others would be even more so.

I am soooooo the wrong person to be asking advice from on this topic, because I just don't know...

Chrissy121875 said...

Interesting comment from Anon. (Thanks for leaving the comment!) You know, a doctor friend of ours has adopted a little girl whose birth mother is in BC. She adopted the girl when she was an infant, but the girl visits her birth mother yearly with her adoptive mother. The little girl is now 3 and she knows about adoption and her birth mother...she even explains it to us! She's surprised to know that we're not adopted and has asked us why we aren't!!

Ms. Mamma said...

Being a single mother at 35 was a humbling and awesome experience. I rose to the challenge. There is good advice here. Intuition is usually the very best guide as long as you try to understand the consequences. My heart goes out to her.

Anonymous said...

Having gone through an abortion in the past, I think I'd tell my friend not to go through with it. It's a hard situation really though. It really depends on her. She should know though that being a mom isn't easy, and being a single mom would probably be even harder. Life is precious and if you're old enough to have sex then you're old enough to deal with the consequences of having sex. That's my opinion but not everyone's opinion's the same.

Anonymous said...

The decision in the end is hers and hers alone. Though there may be lots of external influence, she has to make this important decision, regardless of what people think. It's her life, her decision and whatever she decides, she cannot blame anyone else for what she decides. Sounds very black and white when there really is a huge grey's decisions weren't always meant to be easy. She needs to do what she feels is right for her.

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