Thursday, July 22, 2010

Please and Thank You


I don't know if it's just me, but I've noticed a strange occurrence as of late. It strikes me that there is a large amount of people who have forgotten their please and thank yous.

Growing up, we learned to always mind our manners. This something we're trying to teach our toddler too. I remember in my earliest years, my parents would be on us for being polite, courteous, and respectful to everyone.
Oh, it's not this generation's kids I'm talking about. I'm talking about ADULTS too! Perhaps I'm wrong in believing that people should treat each other the way they'd like to be treated. Perhaps it's not to be expected that if someone does something nice for you, you return the favour. It's pretty frustrating, actually. What ever happened to common courtesy? Some people are severely lacking in social skills.

Now, I am well aware that everyone has a lot going on in their lives. Life gets busy. I get that. I often wonder if it would be less effort to act the same way some people do. Then I realize that it wouldn't make things any better. I'd feel awful for behaving the way some people do. (Note: This is not directed at anyone in particular. It's just an observation)

I know it is wrong to expect others to treat you the way you've treated them. One should do things from the kindness of one's heart and not expect anything in return. Do things because you want to do it or don't do it at all. Right? Hmmm...

Obviously, I'm not talking about this:I don't believe that is the right behaviour or mentality (above). I do believe in this though (below).

I have a few etiquette questions to throw out there:

1. Do you always remember to say thank you when someone does something for you?
2. Do you say please when you are requesting/asking for something from someone?
3. When carpooling with someone (either to work, out of town, on a trip, etc), do you offer to pay for a bit of the gas?
4. Do you constantly take without giving or without offering to give?
5. If you go on a trip with someone and they drive, do you offer to pay for gas or offer to buy them a meal? Or just take, take, take and don't offer to contribute in any way, shape or form?
6. If you know of someone who needs help, do you offer to help out?
7. Do you call loved ones to check in on them from time to time or do you wait for them to always call you?
8. Do you make any effort to cultivate and nurture relationships or is it always up to the other person?
9. If you're at a restaurant and someone else pays, do you at least offer to pay your share? When that person says, "It's on me" do you at least say thank you?

Let's just say that with all the things that have been going on lately, I'm doing some purging and cleansing of things I don't need anymore.

7 comments:

Christine said...

Great post Christine!
I too am trying to teach/lead by example my children to use their manners and live by "The Golden Rule" of do unto others as you would have done unto you.

Barbara said...

C, I know what you mean. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only adult around who is kind, courteous and polite. Please and Thank You mean so much, not to mention a pleasant demeanor and genuine smile. It only takes a small gesture to make someone's day. I think if more people remembered this the world would be a better place.

Peace!

hotmommy said...

i'm with you sister! lotsof rude people in this world these days. sadly manners are definately lacking in some people.

J at www.jellyjules.com said...

Ouch. Just today, I dropped off food for my meals on wheels patron, and her grandson answered the door, took the food, and closed it in my face. His mother made him open the door again and say, "Thank You!"

This is a pet peeve of mine. I will do anything for you. Just say thank you. Thank you means a lot.

caninecologne said...

hi c - re: your q's, yes, i try to be as conscientous and courteous as possible. i like writing thank you cards and letting people know that their gift(s) are appreciated. we also try to lead by example. tc is used to writing thank you cards. otherwise, she is not allowed to use/spend/or eat her gift(s)!

i hate rude bastards too!

sometimes with a few of my friends, i feel like i'm the only one giving. i organize the birthday gatherings and reminders. i host the parties, i take care of everything. but i also think that because i'm a 'control freak', i want to do everything and not have their contribution. so i can't get angry or shouldn't be resentful if there's no reciprocation. or should i?

case in point, for my birthday this year, these same friends did not even call me or remember my bday or make plans to take me out even though i've done that for them. it kind of hurt. they realized the error of their ways (ha ha) a week later and they felt bad. part of me felt good that they felt bad, but then i figured, the world doesn't revolve around me (but it should, kidding, ha ha) and it wasn't that big of a deal after all. but at the time, i really felt forgotten even though i always remember others and do things for them.

here's another question - if someone offers to pay for your meal, do you order modestly? like, not order the most expensive thing on the menu? i try not to "take advantage". i had a friend who was such a f$$kng freeloader and he never offered to reciprocate. he always got more food than me plus a soda (which cost more). when you're a college student with not a lot of $$$ it makes a difference, so i stopped going out to lunch with him...i couldn't stand his freeloading ways.

back to courtesy, at work, it's been crazy with school starting and all. most of the kids i help say "please" and "thank you". one kid said, "later" when he really should have said 'thank you'. so I said "you're welcome" in a sarcastic tone. hey, it was the end of the day and i was peeved! some kids have no manners!

we teach tc that a little courtesy goes a long way and we get compliments from others about her behavior.

okay, i'll shut up now!

word ver:
hypeca

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
J at www.jellyjules.com said...

Oh, caninecologne, my heart goes out to you. Frustrating to give and not receive. I hope your friends learned their lesson and will be more thoughtful next time. Even if you are the planner, they should be thankful. If they are feeling like they WANT to be more involved or something, they should say so.

Regarding the meals, it's funny how different people think, isn't it? I was talking to a coworker once, about how they order when the whole group of us would go out. You know, there's 6 people and you split the meal 6 ways. I said that I always ordered cheap, so no one ended up paying more because of me. If I ordered wine or dessert, and not everyone did, I would suggest that those of us who ordered more might pay more. He said no, he always ordered expensively, because he didn't like to feel like he was paying for part of someone else's meal.

Take this general philosophy and apply it to other areas of our lives. He and his wife own their house outright, as they bought an inexpensive house in a so-so neighborhood, and paid double. Their double payments are our regular payments. We'll probably never own our place, will always have a mortgage. But we live in a better area, with good schools.

I'm not saying my way is better. Just that it's different, and you can kind of see how things carry over from one area of ones life to another.

Wow, was THAT off topic of Chrissy's please and thank you! :)

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City girl moves to the country, falls in love, and marries a farmer. She tries to incorporate her city ways with her new country lifestyle and blogs to keep in touch with friends, family & students who live far, far away :) Can this city girl go country? Watch as she learns all sorts of exciting things about life on the farm and in a small rural community. *UPDATE* We are now parents! Our baby girl was born on Nov. 11, 2008 (at 28 weeks gestation- 12 weeks premature, but she's quite the trooper)!!!
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