Tuesday, September 04, 2007

The F-word!!!


When I was 13, my youngest brother was 2 years old. Back when VHS was still popular, we had the habit of renting lots and lots of movies. Every Friday was "family night". We popped popcorn in our brand new, fancy microwave. Ooooh, la la! Microwave pop corn! What a novel idea back then!

I have no idea why, but my dad had rented a bunch of Richard Pryor movies. Apparently, he had no idea that there was so much swearing in R.P.'s movies! We grew up in a very strict household, where absolutely no swearing was tolerated! In one particular movie, Moving, we were all howling with laughter because despite the film's poor choice of vocabulary, it was a funny film. Well, every second word was F-this or F-that. F*** everywhere. We were laughing and my baby brother was giggling too. He went up to the huge aquarium we had and tapped on the glass and said, "F-you, fishies!!!" We were shocked and were silenced for a moment...and then we broke out in laughter. Mom was not impressed.
Baby Bro then went to my dad and bopped him on the head with his toy and said, "F-you, Papa!" Again, the laughter was unstoppable. We could tell Mom was clearly worried now.

Here's where things get interesting. Baby Bro, Middle Bro and I had a dental appointment the next day and the dentist said that Baby Bro was too old for his bottle and needed to get weaned. He said it wasn't good for him to still be on a bottle at 2 years of age. Mom didn't have the heart to take away Baby Bro's bottle, so the dentist said he'd do it.

Our dentist (the coolest dentist ever!) spoke gently to Baby Bro, saying he was a big boy now and didn't need his bottle. He took the bottle and put it in the garbage can. Baby Bro was in shock and stood there for a while. He then opened the garbage can, retrieved his bottle, and looked the dentist in the eye and said, "F*** YOU, Dr. (insert name here)!!!!"
I remember my mom's face getting pale, her eyes bulging out of their sockets and her mouth dropping to the floor. Then she scooped up Baby Bro and we were out of there in a flash. We never did return to that dentist again...

28 comments:

pinks & Blues Girls said...

That is HILARIOUS! It must have been so funny to have a younger brother say that when you were old enough to know what it really meant!

Jane, P&B Girls

C said...

LOL! Jane, it was funny! I feel sorry for my mom though. She was mortified!

I actually only learned the F-word when I was 11 yrs old. Remember, my parents did not tolerate any bad words when we were kids (Hmph! In my adult years, I've heard them utter a few unpleasantries though! LOL!) We weren't even allowed to say $h!t or stupid...or we'd get our mouths washed with soap or a healthy dose of Tabasco sauce on the tongue.

Anyway, when I was 11 I heard a bunch of older kids saying the F-word at the bus stop as we waited for the school bus. Back then, I had nooooooooo idea that F#*% had so many meanings! I thought it was something you say to someone when you're really mad at them or when you really didn't like them!

There was this bully at the bus stop who was horrible to all the little kids. I was so proud of my new word that I learned and said, "I want to F#%* him!" Seriously, I thought it meant kill or something! One of the senior girls in grade 6 looked at me in surprise and asked me if I knew what that meant!

I explained that I hated (insert name here) so much that I wanted to F#%* him. The older girl quickly explained to me the meaning of what I had just said. I was horrified. Even worse, I was mad at my parents for not teaching me what those bad words meant! LOL! Ahhhhh...innocence! Too funny!

sharkey said...

Ha! I learned the F-word when I was 10. And it's pronounced locally as "pack". So you could imagine most folks here saying: "Pack You!" LOL! :)

Uncivil said...

Wow, Chrissy!!!Love this post! Could it be inspired by Ms,mamma's astroglide post?
I love this funny almost taboo stuff!

I remember going home one day and asking my mom what F'k meant! I can't remember a F'kin thing she told me though?

I had a friend and her little daughter used to say "Yippy Kie Aye Mudder Fudder" at the most inoppertune times!

C said...

LOL!!!! OMG, Sharkey! You had me rolling on the floor in laughter! Well, not quite, but I was certainly laughing hard!

One of my titos used to always say "Pack!" or "Pack You!!!" when he was really mad! LOL! Ahhhhhhh...Thanks for the laughs, Sharkey! That was great!

C said...

LOL! Uncivil, that is tooooooo funny!

"Yippy Kie Aye Mudder Fudder" just makes me laugh...probably because it wasn't my kid saying that! There's something just so wrong but a little funny about a little kid saying stuff like that. It's slightly funny, but at the same time, it's dreadful because you don't want your kids to be saying stuff like that. We don't have kids yet, so I still have time to think about how we're going to handle situations like that. LOL!

When I hear little kids saying bad words like it's no one's business, I sometimes think, "Where on earth are you learning these things???" It's everywhere though.

I had a talk with a friend about her little daughter the other day. No matter how hard she and her husband try to shield their kids from these words, it's on TV (which is why they make sure they monitor what their kids are watching) and it's outside...at school, in the playground, everywhere.

Let me tell ya...the Tobasco thing was a real deterrant for me! LOL! Oh, and soap doesn't taste that great either!

C said...

Uncivil:
For the record, I do not advocate swearing. LOL! I feel sorry for my friends with young kids who are testing what is acceptable and unacceptable to say! LOL! I'm sure they don't find it funny that I find it funny. I keep telling that that years down the road, when their kids are older, they'll look back at this and laugh. Or they can be like my mom and shake their heads when people remind them about all these funny stories! :)

Karen MEG said...

OMG, C, F&*king hilarious! (couldn't resist).
And I'm such a good mother - this was one of the words that I just introduced to my 7 year old when I was wounded by the bee last Friday. Yup, that's where he heard it for the first time, from yours truly. Needing to wash my mouth out with soap and then some...

caninecologne said...

that is so hilarious! oh my gosh! i'd be mortified too!

Dina said...

amazing what kids will pick up...even little E has been repeating everything we say lately (not clearly but still imitating) one has to be SOOO careful about what one says around little ears.

You post had me smiling to my lonesome !!! so funny

Dan said...

Well, the dentist was proven right! Any kid that could talk as cool as that didn't need a f***ing bottle anymore! :)

Curiosity.Killer said...

You're hilarious. I just saw the documentary F!CK -- and they used the particular word over 800 times. They also got into how much meanings there are with this one particularly word. It's crazy!

Cherry said...

That is such a cute story!

I know I learned it on the playground in elementary school, but I didn't use it. I also lived in a strict home and I still have trouble saying BUTT in front of my mom. Besides, I was confused by it's multiple meanings. If F@#$ means sex, and sex is supposed to be good, then why are people yelling F@#$ You! and that meant something bad.
I was a very literal child.

C said...

Karen:
LOL! Awww! Did Liam pick up on the little slip you made? Or was he oblivious? Sometimes those things just slip out when you're caught up in the moment like that. A bee sting is not fun!

I was on a field trip with my students one day and I missed the exit for where we were going. I just said "Oh shoot!" and one of my students was really upset and didn't talk to me for an entire day! I only found out she was upset by reading her daily journal assignment. She wrote something about how bad words are rude and impolite and she doesn't like them...and that her teacher had said a bad word.

I had to explain to her that "shoot" and "$h!t" are different and that the second word is not appropriate. Plus, I don't like it when people use foul language either (especially in front of children), so I wouldn't say anything like that in front of the students. *sigh* Anyway, we cleared that up. Too funny.

C said...

Canine:
Hi! Yes, the joys of having to watch what you say in front of little ears! So, have you been lucky with TC not saying or picking up bad words? She sounds like such an adorable (and smart!) little girl!

Dina:
It is hard to watch what one says! LOL! I know that when our nieces are in the room, I'm always super conscious of what I say!

Hey, you know on blogger you can upload videos now (you don't have to use YouTube or anything). It would be so cool to hear Little E talking away! Could this be a possible idea for a future post? :)

C said...

Dan:
LOL! Your comments always crack me up! :) Love your last post, btw! Still laughing about it!

CK:
Hey! That documentary was on the other night. I was going to watch it, but there were a bunch of p0rn stars saying the f-word every two seconds (and I was kind of tired since it was past my bedtime)...I decided not to watch it. I think I caught about 5 minutes of it. Hmmm...if you think it's interesting, maybe I should check it out next time it's on.

C said...

Cherry:
LOL! You must have been such a cute kid! I love that!

Ms. Mamma said...

Now that's FUCKING funny, Chrissy! I'm howling with fucking laughter!

J at www.jellyjules.com said...

OMG, you had me laughing out loud with that one! I'll bet that dentist went home and told everyone he knew about it! HA!

I wrote my own post about the F word over a year ago...if you're interested, it's here: http://jellyjules.com/?p=179

I pulled it over from my old blogger blog, so there are no comments.

Another related story: Back in the 70s, my mom's friend had a young daughter (10 or 11) who was a big fan of Welcome Back Kotter. So mom took her to see Saturday Night Fever, not knowing that it would have swearing...just knowing that the guy who played Vinnie on Kotter was in it. HA! Everytime the movie got to be too much for the mom, she would send the daughter out to get more treats. They had so much popcorn, soda, and candy, the daughter couldn't figure out WHAT was going on. :)

mrinz said...

Ahhh BabyBro - well said!!!

Eve said...

This is one of those stories that he will never live down! Hilarious!

caninecologne said...

i have to be really careful in front of her, because....sigh, i cuss quite a bit~ but since she was born, i've been pretty good at curbing myself. and that's hard to do!

she already asked me what the word 'beeyotch' meant. she heard it on the playground. yikes! she also saw the work 'F--K (as in F--K you) written on a dirty car window when she was still 5 - we were at a stoplight and she was tring to read it! Uhh, that was kind of awkward! so, she's heard them, but as far as I know, doesn't use them (to my knowledge!!!!). she thinks the word 'stupid' is a bad word.

Uncivil said...

Chrissy
You got a lot of effing comments with this one!!LMAO or should i say LMFAO?

C said...

Ms.Mamma:
LOL! You are toooooooo funny! :)

J:
I just read your F-word story! LOL! That was hilarious!!! I actually think I read it before. I'm not sure, but I think I did. Everything just seemed sooo deja vu to me! I love that post. I love your writing style.

C said...

mrinz:
I'm sure you've got some funny stories...being a mom of boys! :)

Eve:
Oh yeah...People still talk about that story. It will certainly follow BabyBro forever :) LOL!

Canine:
LOL! Wow! TC sounds like such a good kid! You are sooooooooo lucky! :)

C said...

PS. Canine, I'm sure she's such a good kid because she's got great parents :)

caninecologne said...

yeah, with a foul mouthed mom

japanmanpete said...

Now that you've enabled your comment moderation, will you reject my comments if I use the F-word? {{{{{{{LOL}}}}}}}}

p.s. Did you get the origami link I sent you? Check your e-mail.

-Pete

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City girl moves to the country, falls in love, and marries a farmer. She tries to incorporate her city ways with her new country lifestyle and blogs to keep in touch with friends, family & students who live far, far away :) Can this city girl go country? Watch as she learns all sorts of exciting things about life on the farm and in a small rural community. *UPDATE* We are now parents! Our baby girl was born on Nov. 11, 2008 (at 28 weeks gestation- 12 weeks premature, but she's quite the trooper)!!!
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