A student of mine once told me a story that really made me feel uneasy. It was about a movie that he saw, but said he thought it was based on a true story.
There once was this man in his thirties or forties, who was in severe financial troubles. He lost a lot of money and was going to be in serious trouble with his company. His father had a lot of money (in the billions, I think), so the son decided that he had to kill his parents to get the money. The son went to his parents' house and stabbed both his parents to death, but when he stabbed them, he accidentally sliced part of his finger and nail with the knife.
When the autopsy results came in, they found the bit of finger and nail in his mother's throat. This meant that instead of letting her son pay the punishment for his crimes, the parents would rather protect him. She had swallowed the evidence that would connect her son to their murders.
This story really troubled me. I know parents' love is really deep, but what is this teaching their kids? That it's okay to do things that are wrong and even criminal, and in the end, your parents love you and whatever you do will be okay?
My student argued with me when I started to talk about "tough love" and how sometimes valuable lessons can be learned when one has to assume responsibility for their actions and decisions. Sometimes the toughest lessons in life and being accountable for one's decisions can teach a person more than what just receiving a pat on the head and hearing "Everything will be okay" can.
What do you think?
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13 comments:
That IS creepy! As a mom, I want to keep my children out of harms way. I would do anything for them. at the same time, I also have strong moral beliefs, so I am hoping that my husband and I do everything we can now that our kids are little and when they get older so that they don't end up that that position in the first place.
We beleive in teaching our kids improtant lessons now so that they can become better adults. We exersize tough love in a way that we don't let the kids get what they want when they want all the time. It's a tough call. Great post Chrissy.
Oh wow, I think it's wrong to go to extremes such as those to cover for your child. What a crazy story.
Jeeeeeze! Now I know why I never had kids!
Dad, Mom, I just want to take this time to thank you for all those ass whippins that you administered while I was in your care, and I think you should have tore my ass up more than you did! I know I deserved it. Thanks for being strong enough to do it!
I don't know why you didn't send me away to some Military boarding school? I deserved that too!
No, really I'm my own reason for not reproducing. I didn't want to reap anywhere near the misery I gave my parents!LOL
The kid that told you that story sacres the hell out of me! Be wary!
That;s some mad shit, that is!
That is so sick! I don't like to pass judgement on people and the poor parents are unfortunately not here to defend themselves, but you have to wonder how it was that he would even think that it was a solution. Obviously something wasn't right with him, so it may be a chicken/egg thing. But that sort of "protection" from the mom astounds me. He probably figured he would get away with it because he likely has gotten away with everything in his life so far.
I think you raised some very valid points, and I also find it very interesting that your student was arguing with you! I worry sometimes about this next generation and their expectations that if anything goes wrong, all will be fixed for them.
When you become a parent, there is a tremendous responsibility - we hope that our children learn not only by what we teach them, but also by example in our everyday behaviour and actions, and how we treat people. Knock on wood, our little ones seem to be exhibiting empathy and a basic sense of moral code even at their young ages. Let's hope it stays that way, especially through the teen years.
Hot Mommy:
It is creepy, isn't it? I had goosbumps listening as the student recanted the story. I bet it is a tough call...I mean, of course parents love and want to protect their kids, but I think this kind of "covering up" for them only teaches them that they can get away with things.
Doggy Mama:
Yes, I agree with you. I still cannot believe I had that conversation with a student in the first place. Creepy!
Uncivil:
I know for a fact that if I ever tried to pull any stunts when I was a kid, my parents would reprimand me. They are firm believers in "tough love". Not that they were severely or overly harsh on us, but they taught us that poor behaviour does not get rewarded. They taught us that sometimes in life, you don't get what you want when you want it and that you have to work at getting things. Work entailed either trying hard in school, doing chores at home...basic things that taught us responsibility and we also had to learn to be accountable for our decisions. I know there were times that I thought their decisions were harsh, but I thank them now for showing me the value of hard work and that you need to "earn" things and that you are not just "entitled" to getting things.
Pete:
LOL! It sure is!
Karen:
Thanks for the great comment. Yes, I worry too sometimes. Do you think it's a little bit of a generational thing? I don't want to lump everything into a "generation" thing, but I do agree with you in everything you said. I mean, lots of kids feel that they deserve things without actually having to do anything for them. I mean, arguing with your parents, telling them you want more of whatever (clothes, shoes, etc) and demanding more money...Gosh! I would have never ever dreamed of 'demanding' anything from my parents like that!
The fact that some kids just seem to argue with their parents and other adults astounds me. I remember being told very young that you should always respect your elders....and we lived by that. I dunno...
PS. Just to rectify that last comment: I know it's impossible to never argue with parents or other adults. I know there were times when I thought decisions were unjust and I protested, but it seems different. I never yelled at my parents or told them off! I feared the wrath that would be brought upon me if I did! LOL! That's why we never tried to pull any of those stunts! I didn't want to be reprimanded or have to do extra chores. I wasn't an angel when I was younger, but I certainly did not treat my parents the way I see some of my students treat theirs.
You're right, it is creepy! I teach at a prison. Talk about kids whose parents weren't involved, except when it comes to try and cover for them!
Since I watch way too many crime shows, I wonder if the kid really shoved the evidence down the mom's throat....
David:
Thank you for popping by my blog! I'm with you on that one! I think it is really creepy. Your last sentence in your comment gave me shivers...because it's totally possible!!! Scary!
That story is the best form of contraception I have ever seen !! Scary !
Total Spender:
Seriously! That is one way of putting it! LOL! ;)