Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Dirty Little Secrets

Being a Mom with a new baby at home means all we do is sit on the couch watching TV and eating Bonbons all day, right? Ummm...right.

One: I don't even think we have these Bonbons here in Canada. I've only heard of people talking about them.

Two: The only chance I get to watch TV is if I happen to be in the TV room nursing Little One. The kid wants her boob snax whenever and wherever she wants them. If I'm lucky, I get to catch snippets of Steven and Chris or The Martha Stewart Show. So, how's that for breaking down the stereotype of Moms glued to the TV watching soaps all day?

This said, there is a show that I wish I had caught. Lele (my SIL) called me up and told me about the Oprah episode where Moms were dishing it all about motherhood. My good friend, Connor'sMom also told me about the show. I really wish I had a chance to see it.

In this episode, Secret Lives of Moms, women bravely break the silence and share their motherhood experiences with other women. Connor'sMom told me that one Mom confessed that she hadn't had a shower in three weeks! Funny, because a friend of mine who has triplets told me that if she even has time to brush her teeth, it's a good day!

Wow! I wish more Moms would feel free to open up and share these things with others. I cannot tell you how many times I've beaten myself up over not having a perfectly clean house or not putting the laundry away immediately. I can't tell you how guilty I've felt for not having an immaculate garden this year. The house renovations are almost complete, but the trim around the windows still hasn't been done. The deck hasn't been done. The shingles haven't been replaced on the roof yet.

What's worse is that for some insane reason, I had this image in my head of all Moms being perfectly capable of juggling everything (work, husband, kids, house, and more!) and never even so much as looking like they've broken a sweat or have a hair out of place. I imagined a perfectly tidy house all the time. I envisioned a baby that never made so much as a peep! What on earth was I thinking? This is not the stuff real life is made of. Where did this image come from?

Women do break down. We do get stressed out. I certainly don't run to the grocery store with baby in tow in my three inch stilettos. Why don't we share these important "I'm not perfect" tid bits? Why do some of us feel like we need to have people believe that all is perfect and rosy at home all the time?

Though I haven't had to experience not showering for three weeks or not having time to brush my teeth, I do admit that I also have some dirty little Mommy secrets. I was contemplating on whether or not I should share, because...Well, it's so embarrassing!!!

Mehhhh...why not? Since we're all sharing here, this is my secret. It's probably no doubt TMI, but here goes! Men (and anyone who feels awkward about girlie business), please avert your eyes for the next paragraph.

Since I had Little One, I had not had my monthly period forever. Now that she is 8 months old, I suddenly got my monthly friend. It was horrible! I cannot believe just how much blood there was! It was almost like it was just after I had the baby! Needless to say, I had not a single "sanitary napkin" in the house, because...well, I hadn't needed one for the longest time! With absolutely no pads in the house and gushing what seemed like pints of blood from my hoo-ha, I needed to find something quick. I had no idea where I put my cloth pads because I stupidly thought that women don't get their periods when they breastfeed their babies!

What did I do? You're probably chuckling because you know where I'm heading with this. I grabbed one of Little One's diapers and put it in my undies! I packed up the baby and headed straight for the local pharmacy to purchase hoo-ha pads...wearing my 8 month old daughter's diaper!

Oh! The embarrassment! The humiliation! The hoping and praying no one would know! *sigh* My friends, that is my Mommy secret!

I do wish that I had a Mommy group to attend here. I do know that there is a sort of Moms and Tots thing here called the Toy Library. I just find that being on the Island (or where we are on the Island), it's not always so easy to meet up with other Moms. I have a friend in our township who has a baby about the same age as Little One, but like me, this Mom is married to a farmer. It's hard for us both to get out and about since there is always work to be done on the farm.

Anyway, I am learning slowly (thanks to many of you!) to let some things slide and pick and choose my battles. Things don't get done when I want them to. Things don't always go as planned. The house and the house work can wait. The baby is my priority. People who come to visit are here to see us and not to criticize about the baby toys all over the living room or the book shelf that I forgot didn't have time to dust.

It's an ongoing challenge and a learning process. Maybe one of these days I'll figure things out! :)

Are you brave enough to share some of your Dirty Little Secrets?


merinz said...

never mind the house cleaning - your daughter will never remember if the bathroom was clean, but she will always remember that you spent time with her!

dina said...

funny about the diaper thing...i was just thinking about something similar to that today. we'll leave it at that though :)

and my dirty little secret- i didn't wash my floor for almost 3 months because we were in the midst of moving and i couldn't be bothered- plus i got rid of the cleaning lady to save $$...our house was really gross by the time we moved out!

Anonymous said...

HAHA!!! Your crack me up, but I also have a dirty little secret! reminds me of yours a little... I was out camping with my boys, and being a single mom and all, I didn't want to leave my kids alone in a tent while I went to pee on the other side of the camp grounds in the middle of the night... So... what do I do? Instead of finding a bush close by to releave the pressure, I grabbed not one, NOT two but three of my little one's diapers to pee in the TENT!!!!! Who would of known that adults pee'd much more than a 2 and a half year old!!! I don't think I've ever told anyone that story now that I think about it!!!!
Ahhh the things we mom's do...
Steph XXX

robert said...

Even though am not able to share a secret, would like to express my great respect for you and any other mother.

humpsNbump said...

Oh hunny. That diaper thing is hilarious. And trust me. I would do that in a second! I wouldn't even think twice. Thanks for sharing that on your blog.

As for the things that slip through the cracks - there are so many. My weakness is laundry. I have a light sweater that I wore out in public so many days in the last two weeks that I was certain that I smelled in it. I put it on to head to the mall - thinking that it was the absolute last day that I would wear it when I ran into a friend and her daughter. I'm so certain that when I hugged them I smelled DISGUSTING. It was not my best moment.
Right now I have piles of laundry in the living room that we've been walking over since yesterday. I'll get around to it. :)

hotmommy said...

bwahahahahahahah !!! oh crap chris, you are toooooooooooooooo funny! you had me laughing so hard with the diaper and boob snax! you are so funny and you have such a great way of writing. i have told you my dirty little secrests beofore, no? once when we were on a family road trip to visit the inlaws we were on the highway and my dh did not want to stop for a bathroom break. i took a tim hortons cup , empty of course, and peed in it while the dh drove. i know. gross..but such is the life of a mommy sometimes. another time we were at the beahc and the youngest had to poop but there was no public bqthroom or porto potty. i let the child poop in a bush and i kicked sand over it. god, people are going to cast judgement on me after reading this so i am glad i don't hafe a blog of my own! heh!

thanks for this post--it was very refreshing and such a good way to unload and release stuff i've been keeping in!

C said...

Indeed, you are right! :) Thank you for reminding me of that. I'm trying to let go of all the To-Do's on the never ending list and focus on the most important things: Time with my daughter and my husband.

C said...

LOL! Really!?!?!
Ohhhh...Thank you for sharing your dirty little secret. Seriously! Thank you! I feel sooooooo much better now! :) Love ya. Chat soon, k? I need to tell you of our TO plans. Oh, and can you please not kick my butt so much at Wordscraper!?!?! LOL!

C said...

Hahaha!!! Really!?!? OMG, that is toooo funny!!! You had me laughing my head off! Thank you so much for sharing that! I luv ya! Hey, we REALLY must meet up next time we're in MTL...or you and your boys can come visit us on the island! We keep missing each other! First, I missed our reunion because I was on bed rest with the pregnancy and then we were at a wedding the next time. One of these days, Steph! :)

I was just thinking about you the other day. I thought, "OMG...we used to forge notes in school! I hope Little One doesn't do that when she's older!" LOL!!!

C said...

Thank you so much. :)

C said...

Awww! LOL! I hear ya on the laundry thing though. I don't mind laundry so much, but it's the folding and putting everything away that I seem to have an aversion to. Don't know why. I mean, I'll do it, but sometimes the folded laundry stays on the dining room table for a day or so. Gah.

Oh, and for some reason I cannot picture you ever wearing the same sweater for weeks! You?!?! Nahhhh! When you used to come visit me in the hospital when I was there with Little One, you were always dressed impeccably! :)

Patti McK said...

I LOVE this post!! Thank you C and all the other moms who have commented on this. I feel so much better knowing there's other moms who don't mop their floors every week and leave laundry piled up for several days. My house is probably a little dirtier than most because I'm married to a farmer and he was a bachelor for 12years before I came along, so taking your boots off at the door doesn't come naturally to him. I've come to the conclusion that if I have a little dirt on my floors, it just adds character to my house! Sounds good, right? lol
Thanks for keeping us all entertained C. Hugs.
P.S. Can't wait for Little One's celebration!

Autumn's Mom said...

My kids are 10 thru age 14 and I still have laundry piled up, a floor that is the 13 year old's responsibility to clean and you can guess how that one goes...and I too am caught off guard sometimes because I'm just not a regular kind of gal! Sadly, I don't even have a diaper to help a sista out! It's probably not going to get much better...but we will always have humorous stories to tell each other!

Love ya!

Anonymous said...

LOL too funny. I should find my Diva cup I guess!!!

As for me...well...just the cleaning. I swear I only offer to host play groups because ti forces me to vaccuum. There are certain things I NEVER EVER the shutter, and under cabinets...etc...since nobody ever touches such things anyways. When I look closely though, it is so gross.

Oh, and I saw mold in the shower yesterday, and did not want to scrub it, so I put toilet bowl cleaner on there instead.

Oh, more. When I don't have time to wax, I shave my 'stach. ssshhhh...don't tell anyone.

C said...

Glad you enjoyed this post :) It was a good release writing this, actually! I find that keeping this blog kind of helps me through the crazy times sometimes! :) Weird?

Can't wait to see you guys at Little One's celebration on Saturday too! Oh, you do realize that YOU are that "friend in the township who is also married to a farmer" that I was talking about, right? LOL! Hugs!!! XOXOX

C said...

Muuuuuuuuuuuuah!!! Love ya too! Oh, "Sadly, I don't even have a diaper to help a sista out!" LOL! That just cracked me up! You are too funny, Dot! xoxo

C said...

Hahaha!!! I was actually hoping you'd leave a comment! You are soooo funny! Love it!

BTW, when I was without pads, I thought of you and your Diva Cup! Actually, I believe the words in my head were, "Damn! If only I had listened to Fancy and gotten myself a Diva!!!" LOL!

Ooooooohhh! You had me laughing at the no-time-to-wax-so-shave-da-snatch thing!!! Only laughing because I am all too familiar with that! I'm in the same boat! I figure, better shaven than beastly, right? I know, I know. TMI! Have I mentioned how much hair in general grosses me out???

J at said...

I was thinking about this, and how sometimes it was lonely when Maya was that little. I live in the suburbs, where there were PLENTY of women around I could have met up with. But to tell the truth, just because you're both moms of young ones doesn't mean you have anything else in common. Sigh. Right now, there are 5 women in our complex with babies all born within a month or 2 of each other. I get jealous sometimes when I see them all together in their mommy group, because I did not have that.

I don't have any funny mommy stories, except to tell you that the first time I took Maya to the grocery store with me (She was about a week old, and I was just determined to do it all...sound familiar?) so Ted could study, and she slept in her snuggly through the store, except of course when I got to the checkout counter, and had half of my groceries on the belt, she woke up and started SCREAMING. Perfect. A kind woman offered to hold her for me, but I wasn't about to let a stranger hold my baby. Then a smarter kind woman offered to unload my grocery cart, which I let her do while Maya sucked on my finger (we hadn't given her a pacifier yet...she was too young). Gah. It was horrid. Took her out to the car and nursed her there, then went home all frazzled and told Ted. He said, "What if she gets sick from the were touching so many things at the store!" Which he immediately regretted, because I burst out crying, frustrated and angry and feeling guilty, because yes, what if she did get sick? She didn't, thankfully, and Ted learned when to keep his mouth shut around a hormonal woman. ;)

And truly, I don't think men understand. He was always baffled when he'd come home and I'd ask him to watch her while I showered. "Why don't you shower while she naps?" "Because she'll wake up and cry!" "So? She's not big enough to get out of her bassinet and hurt herself..." You know what? He didn't understand the way moms think, but he was right. After that, I started taking a shower, and while I always thought I heard her crying, she never was. And if she had been, she would have lived. That was when I started, just a little, to do little things for myself, even if it meant she had to wait 5 minutes to eat or whatever. She's turned out OK in spite of that. ;)

I think this is a lesson you have to learn, though it certainly makes sense for you to learn it later than those of us with full term babies. She needed you a lot more those early days. But now, she can wait a few minutes for you to get something done. And I don't mean housework. ;) I mean, something to take care of yourself. Remember, happy moms make happy babies!

Also, I got my period while I was still nursing, too.

How's that for the longest comment ever? Sorry for the book.

Calfkeeper said...

Hilarious! Thanks for sharing.

In those first months after baby came home I'd let the vacuuming and dusting go for a month or more! Terrible! Disgusting!

But you are right; there a lots of things no one tells you, you don't find out until AFTER baby is home and you are winging it.

louann said...

I seriously think we Mommies need more of those shows or books to stand as reminders to us that we are NOT perfect and we will never be and that it's OK not to be perfect. Really.

Palm Springs Savant said...

Well its been said several times here already, but the notion of a Donna Reed type Mother is an unrealistic image to try to hold yourself up to. So just be yourself, do your best and don't be afraid to let out the stress to your hubby once in awhile!

Jeanna said...

Boob Snacks, lol.
Loving the photos ur pasting on Crackho, I mean Crackbk, I mean...anyway, was wondering what LO's gown looked like and you did NOT disappoint, C.
Word Ver is dizedge, I identify.

Uncivil said...

Wooooohooooo. I loved your "Dirty Little Secret"!!!!!
I'll let you borrow my "Depends" when they put me in a rest home!!!!

C said...

So true. Just because people have babies who around the same age doesn't mean that's enough in common to make them "friends". I don't have too many people in our township that have babies the same age as LO. Because we live in the country, our neighbours are a good distance from us too. I do have two friends in the township with babies a few months younger than LO. We haven't actually been able to organize ourselves to get together though...except for LO's welcome home from the hospital party and her baptism.

C said...

Yup! I can relate! :) Actually, my friend Gadget Girl suggested I get a Swiffer duster/extender and a Swiffer for the floor. Those are my new best friends!!! I feel really horribly about the waste factor though since they use cloths that are disposable after use, but honestly, the icky germs from the mop just freak me out and the regular duster makes my dust allergies kick into overdrive when it brings up so much dust.

J at said...

Hey Chrissy, I just bought a steam cleaner for the hard floors, which uses cloth that you wash. It's a bit more work than the swiffer, which isn't really a good thing right now, but it gets the floors cleaner, and it only uses water, no chemicals. Just a thought. :)

It's the bissell steam mop.

C said...

Ooooooooooh!!! Thanks for the heads up! I'm off to check that out now! :)

Jinxy said...

OMG C the diaper thing is hilarious and totally something I would do.

I was just thinking about my dirty Mommy secret today. Here goes. I haven't washed my hair since Wednesday before last. As in 10 days or so. Now I usually only wash it once or twice a week but 10 days is a little much.

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City girl moves to the country, falls in love, and marries a farmer. She tries to incorporate her city ways with her new country lifestyle and blogs to keep in touch with friends, family & students who live far, far away :) Can this city girl go country? Watch as she learns all sorts of exciting things about life on the farm and in a small rural community. *UPDATE* We are now parents! Our baby girl was born on Nov. 11, 2008 (at 28 weeks gestation- 12 weeks premature, but she's quite the trooper)!!!
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