Perhaps thinking about fears and phobias (from yesterday's post) has had my brain going on overdrive last night. I had some pretty strange dreams. Beachmama's fear of leaving her children with no parents was something that I couldn't get out of my mind last night. I know quite a few parents who have felt that way. I have a friend who didn't want to leave her baby girl with a babysitter or even with Grams and Gramps! This friend's fear of getting into an accident and leaving her daughter with no parents was so strong that she couldn't even go to work.
My dream last night was like that, only in real life, Hubby and I don't have any kids of our own yet. Well, not of the human kind! We've got canine, feline and bovine babies though!
Anyway, the topic of children and starting a family has come up several times. We've been married for a year and five months, so the idea of babies is definitely out there. This isn't a phobia or a fear. It's more of a worry. I worry about how we're going to manage to have a family being so busy all the time. I look at our schedules and realize how packed they are. Just because we live in the country and don't have a hectic city life, doesn't mean we've got loads of time on our hands. In fact, I'm busier here than I was in the city! I look at how Hubby and I don't really get to spend lots of time together. The only time we spend together is if we're in the bush, cutting and splitting firewood. We see each other at supper and watch a TV program or two together, and then it's time to sleep. He's off managing the farm, doing custom wood orders and doing firefighter things while I'm off teaching. My students take up 99% of my time because not only do they study with me, but they also live with us. If I'm not with the students (teaching or on a field trip or outdoor lesson), I'm off at some kind of meeting, community event, or something. I still have no idea how I ended up on so many committees. I think I've been voluntold to be on some of them.
I ask myself daily, "How are we ever going to fit a baby into this lifestyle?". If our schedules are so hectic as it is, and I don't have any time for myself already, how am I going to do this? It really worries me. Friends have said that when the time comes, we'll figure it out. A baby will naturally become part of your lifestyle. You'll know how to rearrange your lifestyle to accommodate a baby.
I know that obviously people have been having babies since the beginning of time and that they've managed to introduce children into their daily lives. People manage to do this all the time. Why does this worry me then?
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17 comments:
Something tells me that you are a planner, which I am one too so I completely understand.
COMPLETELY!
I don't worry about how we'll integrate kids into our lives, but it's probably because it is still so... out there. Now, when I actually get pregnant then I'm sure the great worry will begin. Because after all... it's what I do.
i have 5 kids. . .
all in good time.
cheers!
minotte
some people have a fear of leaving their kids with ANYONE, and others forget their baby in the back seat when they go to work at hooters. what a strange dichotomy of motherhood, huh?
Some how things just work out. Priorities change, sacrifices are made, all without really meaning to. You'll be a great mama when that day comes!
You worry because you'll be good parents. No doubt about it, once you have kids that's when worrying really starts. But as your other friends have said, the baby just fits into your life, becomes an integral part of it, and your life is never again the same.
We were pretty busy before we had kids, and now, sure we complain, we're tired all the time, the kids drive us nuts sometimes, but if we had to do it all over again we would. Again and again. Because there's nothing like parenthood.
Quit worrying- when it happens, things have a way of working out. I know it sounds cliche, but they do.
My sister was the absolute crazy-busiest person I knew even before she had baby (she has her own business too) - but now that she's a mom of a newborn, she's taken on even more at work, and she's loving being a mom - it's her top priority. I don't know how she does it - she's a superwoman/ supermom.
And you will be too.
I think you worry because although you want it so bad, it is extreme foreign territory. It's never what you imagine. I think it's better and it all has a way of working out.
Cherry:
*sigh* Yes! I like to have a plan. I can't help it, but that's the way I am. I need to know what I'm doing, when I'm doing it, etc. Don't get me wrong, as I can also be a spontaneous person when it comes to certain things. When I was single and still living in Montreal, my friends would call me up and say, "What are you doing tonight?" and then when I'd say "Ah, nuthin' much", we'd pack our bags and drive to New York! We were crazy like that. It's just BIG things in life (like getting married and having kids) are things I like to have a handle on. I know what you're saying though. You're absolutely right! I shouldn't worry about it until the time comes!!!
Minotte:
So good to see you back! I missed reading your comments! Wow! 5 kids!!! Hubby and I were talking about children before and at one point (maybe when I was a teenager!), I wanted 5 kids. I knew I wanted more than one, because I've always felt it would be nice for our kids to have siblings (confidants, someone to hang with). We realize how expensive it can be to raise a family, so we're hoping that we will have two or three kids eventually.
hellomelissa:
Thanks for popping by my spot in the blog world! Yep, your comment really had me thinking. I just popped by your blog. Love it!
anniem:
Awww! Thanks :) You're right. You are absolutely right. I know that things will change and priorities will change. I don't know why I'm such a thinker...uhhh...okay, worrier!!! LOL!
Karen:
Thanks so much for your comment. Again, I have no idea why I am such a worrier! Hmmm...The great thing about having a blog is that I can get out all the thoughts and worries that have been internalized and get feedback from others! I don't talk about these things often. Most of the time, I try to keep my worries to myself. I do vent and confide in some very close girlfriends and in Hubby, but most of the time, I try to not burden anyone with all of the things that cross my mind. Again, thank goodness for blogs! LOL!
Ms.Mamma:
Cheers for that. You're right. Although this is something I've always wanted, it is so far removed from the life I have and have grown accustomed to. There are times when I just LOVE the fact that I can do what I want, when I want and not have to worry about taking care of anyone else...other than Hubby, my students, all our animals...
Then I think of how having a child of our own would be so wonderful and that I would feel that "I can't imagine my life without kids" feeling.
In the past 2 or 3 years, I've seen over a dozen friends (seriously...over a dozen) go through pregnancies and then having their first (and in two cases, second) babies. I feel like I want that. Then spending time with the new mommies and their babies, I feel like "I don't know if I'm ready for this". Part of me feels I am and part of me just isn't sure yet.
I guess we'll find out when it happens!
hi there
before i had my daughter (who's now 7), i was also involved in several committees in the community and at work. after she was born, i had to learn how to say "no" and simplify my life so that i could devote more time to her. you'll do what's right for you but don't feel that you have to do "everything" to please everyone.
when i was single (and later married without a kid) it was hard for me to understand why those with kids couldn't make the time to go to one measly meeting a month for our educators' association. those LOAFERS!!!! ha ha --NOW i know! even one kid is a lot to manage!
my fellow association and committee members knew and understood and didn't hold anything against me. they knew that my priorities had changed. they had "been there and done that". it was hard for me at first because i was so used to being involved but sometimes you neeed to take a step back.
one kid is enough for me, thank you!
Oh C, c, c. You're such an overthinker. Don't worry right now.
Besides, people around you are probably just wanting you to be a part of their lives - so they invite you to everything. Once you have a baby, everyone knows you're occupied, and would totally understand. Your life will naturally evolve, and other parents would step up and be part of your social scene. It'll be organic transition. Don't worry about it, just enjoy your busy non-parental but married life while you still got it!!
You and Hubby would make great parents!
A baby will naturally become part of your lifestyle. You'll know how to rearrange your lifestyle to accommodate a baby.
Nah, it's not natural. Not always, But you figure it out and make it work...you have to!! You'll do fine!!!
CK:
Thank you, thank you! You know, this is why you are such a wonderful friend to have! I am so lucky to have you in my life :) I miss you...and your smoked fish with pesto on a toasted baguette!!! Love you like a sista!
Uncivil:
Thank you :) Well, I always thought that having pets sort of prepares a person for having children. I know it's totally not the same thing, but the responsibility, having to feed them, play with them, take care of them, teach them what is acceptable behaviour and what is not, and not going on vacation unless they're with you...THAT seems a lot like parenthood to me! Sort of!
Fancy Momma:
I've actually been waiting and hoping that you would comment! I always value your input (on and off the blog). Cheers for that!
I agree with caninecologne - when you have a child you learn to say no to people who are asking things of you, or for your time.
And its actually quite easy to say no when the time comes. Because baby's needs, especially in the first few months, have to come first. Later they learn to fit in!