No one ever tells you how heartbreaking being a parent can be. With a very sick toddler, and with her past (being a preemie), I always get really worried FREAKED OUT anxiety ridden NERVOUS when Little One is sick.

She isn't sick often. In fact, the first two years of her life have been unmarred by any serious medical issues. She somehow ended  up with pneumonia before Christmas. She recovered, only to end up back in the hospital shortly after New Year's.

Having a preemie can be stressful. Though for the most part, Little One is a very healthy, active, super busy, happy little girl, I get so worried when she gets sick. Especially this time. Fever for three days, no appetite, dehydration, no wet or soiled diapers, lethargy, and pretty much being a wet noodle (she couldn't even sit or stand on her own!), can be fatal for little ones. I was told that sometimes it's difficult for ones so small to bounce back from something like that.

I was reminded of how tiny she was when she was born. At 28 weeks gestation, she came into the world at a whopping 980 g! That's just a little more than 2 lbs of butter! I look at her first photos and I cannot believe that tiny baby is now the active and inquisitive 2 year old who constantly harasses me for "Pay Doe" (Play Doh) and says, "Ope! Ope! Ope! Pay Doe! Ope!" until I open the container and give her some.

Most people who talk to me and see Little One's earliest photos tell me  how terrified they would have been if they were in my shoes. They tell me how freaked out they would have been and how scary the whole situation was.

There must be something wrong with me, because I never had any doubts that Little One would pull through. I was sure that she'd be fine. Which is really crazy, if you ask me! Babies born so early often have medical issues (respiratory, neurological, developmental, etc). Nope. I was sure she would be okay.

That must have been my fight or flight response...or me just being on autopilot. Those first few weeks and months in the NICU were insane with so much going on. It's all a blur now. All I could think of was making sure my baby was being taken care of and finally getting her home.

With Little One being so sick for the past few days, and the news of a fellow thespian passing away this morning, I've been feeling two things.

1. Really sad for the loss of a wonderful, funny, caring, friendly, giving woman.

and

2. Very blessed to have been able to have her friendship, sing with her in the Island Singers a few years ago and be on stage with her at the Burns Wharf Theatre last year.

Life can get so crazy sometimes and I realize that we need to make time to stop and savour precious moments...and be thankful for what we have been able to have.

I am thankful for my family. I am blessed with good friends. I have my health and a warm home to come back to after work. I sometimes complain about things, but I know I am pretty darn lucky.