Tuesday, May 15, 2012

I want to Smile, but My Heart aches


Friends always tell me how lucky I am to be close to my family. It's true. I come from a very closely knit family. I attribute this to my grandmother, who was the glue that bound our family together.

A devout Catholic, fabulous wife, a school principal, a caring mother, grandmother, sister, aunt, and friend, "Mommy" (affectionately called by all) was the most wonderful woman I have ever met.

Little One and I were fortunate to have spent the last few weeks of her life with her. We left the Philippines last Wednesday and we got word that she just passed away.

Though my heart is torn into a million pieces, we knew she would be leaving us any day now.  She told me when I was in the ICU with her that it was her time to go.  She mouthed "I love you all. I am suffering. I need to go to Heaven now".

Somehow, I'm still that grandchild that wants to think that grandparents are immortal and will live with us forever. Of course, such is not the case...except for in our hearts and in our memories.

I love you, lola. Thank you for being part of my life and for teaching me so much about family, life, and love. I am blessed and honoured to be your grandchild.
 Why is letting go always so difficult, even when you know that someday that time will come and that sometimes it's better off this way?





You are missed already. 

25 comments:

Good Girl Gone Green said...

I am so sorry for your loss, C! I too often think grandparents are immortal! big big hugs to you! xox

~Crazy 4 Daizies~ said...

~Thinking of you and sending much love, healing prayers, comforting hugs, & Nimkee-Blessings in endless abundance <3 What a beautiful tribute to your lola xxoo

fancypansy said...

So sorry for your loss Christine. (((hugs)))

Alyssa said...

I'm so sorry :( You're grandma looks like she was a very special lady - my condolences to your family C xo

Gingermommy said...

So sorry hon, I know how hard this is for you. Hugs

Colleen said...

I am so sorry for your loss :(

artsy teacher said...

Wishing I was there with you today my friend... I will see you tonight...Love you

AnnMarie Brown said...

Wishing you peace and love. I am so sorry for the loss you have suffered.

MBAMama said...

Sorry for your loss, Christine. She is at rest and peace now. Loved ones live forever in our hearts and our memory.

Kathryn Lavallee said...

How sad for you, darling! She sounds like an amazing woman, and how wonderful that your daughter got the chance to spend time with her before she passed away. So sorry for your loss. :(

Rossana said...

So sorry for your loss, grandmothers are such special people. Love that you were able to spend some time with her recently. {hugs}

Ashley said...

I am so sorry for your loss! There is never a good time for someone to go, whether they've lived a long life or a short one, those of us left behind will always wish they hadn't gone.

Beautiful photos and sending hugs & prayers to your family!

Mom vs. the boys said...

so very sorry for you great loss. she sounds wonderful! big hugs to you doll

Aeryn Lynne said...

So sorry for your loss, Christine! *HUGS*

Take comfort in knowing that you have so many happy memories of Mommy and she'll continue to live on within you. You will never forget her, and at some point in the far future it will be easier to remember those moments.

*Hearts* you hun! *hugs more*

Tracy said...

I'm so sorry for your loss, Christine! Mommy was such a beautiful and special woman. Big hugs to you and your whole family. The great thing about knowing Mommy so well is that you will have a lifetime of memories to warm your heart every time you think about her.

Love from Texas! xo

Deborah Coombs said...

I'm so sorry for your loss, but so glad you were able to be with her so recently.
Sending you strength!

Glogirl said...

Thinking of you and your family at this difficult time.

InezbyDesign said...

May God wrap you in a big hug. My sincere condolences.

Paula Schuck said...

It is clear she loved you and that you shared a lovely bond. That doesn't change even though she is gone. Love and hugs and hold on to your happy memories of her. I am sorry for your loss and sending big big hugs.

Paula

caninecologne said...

We are so very sorry for the loss of your beloved lola. You are very fortunate to have spent time with her before she passed and that your daughter was able to know her even if just for a short time.

Canadian Dad said...

I'm very sorry for your loss Christine. I'm glad that you got to spend that time with her last week though. That's something you'll be able to hold onto forever. If you need to blow off steam, you can always shoot it my way!

Christine said...

THANK YOU, EVERYONE :)
You have no idea how much your support means to me and how it has been helping me through this emotional time right now. A million times, thank you :)

mamawee said...

beautiful photo's. Death is always hard - even when such a wondeful, fulfilled life has been had.

Nicole said...

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Jeanna said...

I'm so sorry to hear that C. It's wonderful you got to spend time with her and travel to the Philippines at the end. A life well lived I think.

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City girl moves to the country, falls in love, and marries a farmer. She tries to incorporate her city ways with her new country lifestyle and blogs to keep in touch with friends, family & students who live far, far away :) Can this city girl go country? Watch as she learns all sorts of exciting things about life on the farm and in a small rural community. *UPDATE* We are now parents! Our baby girl was born on Nov. 11, 2008 (at 28 weeks gestation- 12 weeks premature, but she's quite the trooper)!!!
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