Tuesday, December 30, 2008

The Long and Winding Road


Rollercoaster rides. That is what having a preemie in the hospital is. I keep saying this, but it's true. Sorry I haven't been able to update the blog recently. It has been really busy with all the changes and I haven't even had time to breathe.

The Good:
1. Hubby was able to spend Christmas with Little One and me. He was in Toronto from Wednesday to Sunday.

2. Little One's first Christmas was spent with her Mama and her Papa. She hated wearing the preemie Santa Claus hat we put on her though! Photos to be posted later on this evening when I return from the hospital.

3. She has been breathing room air on her own since December 23. No more CPAP!
4. She was moved from her incubator into a crib!

5. She has been thriving! She's breastfeeding like a champ!

6. She was moved to the Level 2 Nursery on December 26! One step closer to home!

7. I get to do most of the care myself in Level 2. It's practice for when she comes home!

The Not So Good:
1. Hubby had to return to the Island and now I'm alone again.

2. I've been finding it really rough to deal with things on my own. I'm tired of being here. I'm tired of having to commute (and hour here and an hour back) every day to be with my baby. I'm tired of not being home. I'm just tired.

3. Last night I called the hospital to check in on Little One and she had a CBC (to check for her hemoglobin level) and other bloodwork done, as well as a chest x-ray. Her numbers (oxygen saturation and respiration) have been swinging a lot for the past two days. The doctor wanted to do a full septic on her and I was a bit upset because this would be her second (No, third LP aka: spinal tap because the first one was unsuccessful) since she's been here. They thought she had an infection but all the results came back normal. Anyway, her CBC level is not just okay, but GOOD. They said that most preemies have levels of 80 or so and they would like it to be over 100. Little One's was 111. Apparently, she was just tired and is growing and sometimes preemies just need a little bit of help. She is now on low-flow oxygen, but just 5 cc's. It's like me giving her a puff of air by blowing on her. It's not a lot, but probably just what she needs. She'll be on low-flow for a few days most likely. The nurse I spoke to last night and this morning (yes, I called at 5AM when I was pumping!) said that Little One is doing great and has settled.

4. Maybe I worry too much, but now that she's in a big girl's crib, I feel like she's more open to germs and people touching her. When she was in the incubator, it seemed like she was more protected. I know she needs to be in a crib and I am happy that she's in a crib. I'm just being paranoid because of RSV and the fact that she's a preemie and her immune system isn't that strong yet.

5. See #'s 3 and 4.

6. I'm worried that she will be transferred to another hospital soon because that's normally what happens in Level 2. The babies then move to a hospital closer to home, but the closest hospital with a Level 2 nursery to us is still two and a half hours away.

7. Gah! I just can't wait for her to be bigger, stronger, and ready to come home! I am aware that once she is home I will be just as tired and worn out, but at least I'll be home and I won't have to travel every day to be with her. There's also something more comfortable about being at home and being able to do your own thing.

Photos to come soon! I promise! Again, sorry for being such a bad sister, friend, teacher, cousin, daughter, etc. It's been a crazy few weeks of ups and downs. I guess I'm just being hypersensitive. Little One is doing really well in the grand scheme of things. She is acting "normal" for a preemie. That's what the doctors and nurses keep telling me. Wow. If this is "normal", I'd hate to think of what "not normal" would be like. Okay, I'll stop being overly emotional and count my blessings. Little One is a trooper and a very strong girlie. She's doing great. Hmmm...Keep repeating that to yourself, C! :)

12 comments:

Patti McKenzie said...

Your worries are what every new parent goes through, preemie, or not, so don't be so hard on yourself. You're doing a great job and you should keep reminding yourself of that. If you weren't at all worried about your baby, then I would say there was something wrong. Just try to get as much rest as possible and accept help from whoever offers it. A good parent takes care of themselves too, so they can take even better care of their babies.

P.S. Just a little update on me for you to take your mind off of things: I am now 35 weeks and looking forward to the big day!!

Take care of yourself and keep your chin up!! We're all praying for you and your family.
Patti : )

Autumn's Mom said...

I know it's been so rough on you, handling this and being alone. I hope that it's very soon when you both can return home. She's made such good progress, she is truly an amazing little one. I know it's hard when they are doing all these tests on her and your heart just feels like breaking. Good thing is, she's not going to remember a thing. Just you. haha (or is that not even funny!) Once you get home, you will still be tired, but I think you'll be a happy kind of tired. And I think you'll appreciate it all the more, coming from where you've been. And don't worry about disappointing anyone in your life, I'm sure they are all just as proud of you as we are :)

Veronica said...

Sure it hard when you are home with a baby, but it's so much easier than in the hospital because you have your own routine and your own things (and you don't have to commute hours to see them...).

Here is hoping for not much longer in the hospital!

Also, is it possible for you to take advantage of the accomodation provided to parents with babies in the hospital? It might not be ideal, but not having to commute for 3-4 days might give you the break you need.

VE said...

You are about to be removed from my blog roll!!! It’s nothing personal…I’m restarting for 2009 this Thursday. Were you at the top of the list in 2008? If not, here’s your chance to be. A single comment gets you on my blog roll. Keep commenting and you’ll stay at the top. Hope to see you in 2009!

Uncivil said...

My Gawd......VE left that same silly comment on my blog? Duh?

Anyway.......Happy NEW Year to you and the little one!

word veification setanshe

BeachMama said...

I think I would be worried if you weren't worried. It will get easier once you are home for sure. And she is getting so strong, so close to going home.

You are doing great, I couldn't imagine not being home for as long as you have been away. That in itself is tough. And not having Hubby with you everyday also amplifies everything. Hang in there, it won't be long now.

caninecologne said...

Wishing you, your husband and of course, your darling baby a HAPPY NEW YEAR! Thanks for your updates - you are one tough mom and doing the best that you can under the circumstances. it sounds like your girl is improving more and more each day. before you know it, you will both be back in the comfort of your own home.

word ver:
slyterst!!!! ha ha

C said...

Patti:
Thanks so much for checking in on us. I was going to send you a message to see how you and your wee one are doing. Do you know if you're having a boy or a girl? I still find it amazing to think that our babies were only supposed to be a few days apart...and mine will now be two months older than yours. Crazy! Will chat with you soon. :)

C said...

AM:
You are so right. I think I needed to hear that, Dot! Thanks for always knowing the right things to say! Love ya!

Veronica:
I feel like such a bad blog friend! Though I haven't been able to check out your blog, I do think of you and your little one often. I remember when we were first discussing our fears of having our babies preterm and just weeks after, mine arrived! I remember you being so encouraging and telling me that every week and every day made all the difference in the world. You were right.

I'll catch up with you soon, my friend! XO

C said...

Veronica:
I've actually put my name on the waiting list for the accommodations for parents with babies/children in the hospital :) The list is long. I'm still waiting. Hoping to get something soon. I am so tired of commuting. I feel like a walking zombie right now!

VE:
;) Me gots no excuses other than I haven't checked out anyone's blogs since I got to the hospital in October. Hopefully I'll get around to it again sometime soon. Oh, how I miss the blog world!;)

Jimbo:
LOL! Happy New Year to you too! How are you celebrating it? I meant to send you an e-mail to see how you're doing. Soon...I promise! XOXOX

J at www.jellyjules.com said...

Of course you're worried. It's worrisome. If it weren't, she would be home already. But that doesn't mean it's dangerous, and take comfort wherever you can, because she's doing GREAT.

At least with Maya, being home was SO much better than being in the hospital. Yes, I was tired. But being with your husband will make all the difference, as will being with your puppy, and sleeping in your own bed.

With the closest hospital being 2 hours away, will she stay at the hospital longer than she would if there were one in town?

Take care, and have a very Happy New Year. 2009 will be a good year for your family. :)

Palm Springs Savant said...

Its totally reasonable for you to have those worries, and justifiable to be tired too. Lots going on for you to deal with and think about. But you have been blessed with a beautiful child and it will all work itself out.

Happy New Year to you!

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City girl moves to the country, falls in love, and marries a farmer. She tries to incorporate her city ways with her new country lifestyle and blogs to keep in touch with friends, family & students who live far, far away :) Can this city girl go country? Watch as she learns all sorts of exciting things about life on the farm and in a small rural community. *UPDATE* We are now parents! Our baby girl was born on Nov. 11, 2008 (at 28 weeks gestation- 12 weeks premature, but she's quite the trooper)!!!
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