Sunday, December 07, 2008

My First Time

*Disclaimer: This post contains material that may be unsuited for some audiences. Okay, perhaps it's filled with TMI. Reader discretion advised. If you are easily offended, please do not continue to read on!*

It was my very first time and with all firsts, there was a sense of anxiety, stress, uncertainty and fear. Okay, I was terrified! It was something I had been looking forward to experiencing for the longest time. I always wondered what it would feel like once I finally did it. To be honest, I almost chickened out right before I went through with it.

"Okay", I winced. "I'm ready."

Actually, it was she who was ready! For the past few days while I've been holding Little One on my chest for our two hours of cuddle time in the NICU, she has started doing these odd "lip smacking" or "sucking" sounds. She then began LICKING me! She'd lick my skin and make these little monster noises. She sounded like she was growling...kind of like a little bear or puppy. Too funny! Then she started "burrowing" (which the lactation nurse described as rooting). I mentioned this to the day nurse today and she said, "Oh! She's ready".

Ummm...No. She can't be! She's too young! She's only almost 32 weeks now. She's not even supposed to be OUT of me for another eight weeks! How can a baby who is not even supposed to be out of the womb yet be ready to breastfeed?

Well, she's not quite that ready. She's ready for NNS (non-nutritive sucking...aka "practice breastfeeding"). The nurse described it as "just a lick and a sniff". They want to get her used to the idea of breastfeeding. Well, the nurse put Little One on my chest and she knew exactly what to do! She latched on and went to town! I was SHOCKED! This kid seems to really want to do things on HER schedule! She really wants to do things ahead of time! She was on for forty-five minutes and the rest of the two hours I just held her.

I am so amazed by Little One. She certainly is a determined little girlie! I was talking to my Parent Buddy on the phone last night and she said that she honestly believes that these little ones who were born way before their time really have big plans. They have something they need to do and need to teach us. These little babies are so very special. They've got something great planned ahead of them.

On a side note, I'd like to say...
BAH-FRICKIN-HUMBUG to whoever stole my metropass! That was $109 of public transit costs paid for and I only got to use it for one week! I do hope whoever stole it enjoys their free rides on the subway, streetcar, and bus. Happy Holidays to you. I know it was partially my fault since the metropass was in my jacket pocket that was hung up at with all the other parents' jackets at the NICU. I always keep my purse with me, but had my metropass in my pocket. I never thought anyone would rifle through anyone else's pockets...especially at the NICU! Don't they know that all those parents in there have kids who are in need of intensive care? These parents have enough to worry about. Shame on you for having no conscience at all. That is really, really sick. Likewise, for the person who stole the wedding ring of one of the dads after he forgot it when he washed and disinfected his hands before seeing his baby in the NICU. Why would you take someone's wedding ring? It was engraved and had sentimental value. Couldn't you just hand it in to the Lost and Found or something? People really amaze me. Maybe I'm just living in a bubble and think that people would have the courtesy, honesty, and honour to do the right thing. I'd hate to think that our first instinct should be to not trust anyone. That would be a very sad world to live in if we had to do that.

It's the holiday season, for goodness sakes!

Okay...venting done with :) Just happy Little One is doing great!!! Who cares about the metropass? It's only money.


AnnieM said...

How awesome C! I bet you were so excited. The first time my preemie did that a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders, I saw light at the end of the tunnel! I guarantee she got some milk if she was on for 45 minutes, way more than a lick and sniff :)!

For the person who stole your pass...KARMA sucks!

So happy for you!!

T said...

OK I totally thought you were talking about something else!!!!!

Glad to hear your tiny tot is making so much headway - she is progressing quite nicely! Yay for Little One! She really is amazing Chris.

J at said...

I'm guessing it's the same person who stole the pass and the ring, and that they work there. And yeah, karma will get that person. 99.999 percent of the people there are awesome and are there for the babies, but then you get someone who justifies what they do, saying, "I steal, yes, but I'm doing so much, they owe me." Just my guess.

That's SO great that she's rooting and wanting to nurse already! SO AWESOME. Sometimes I envy you the early bonding you still have ahead of you, though clearly I do not envy you the stress of her being so early. God bless, honey.

jan said...

Thanks for the reminder of the beautiful and ugly in life.

Cherry said...

Wow! Wow! Wow! How exciting! This little one of yours is strong, determined and HUNGRY!

So was it crazy weird (you know, in a totally awesome but HELLO BABY ON ME sort of way)? I mean I know you've been pumping for the last few weeks and that's all well and good, but your actual baby on there! Oh, THAT"s what they're for! (just teasing! I feel it's very beautiful and natural)

TMI QUESTION: Did it hurt?
Maybe breastfeeding a preemie who's not as strong as a whopping 40 week/8 pounder would be is a little easier to ease into. Just wondering.

I'm very excited for you C! And don't answer the TMI? if you don't want to of course.

And to the MetroPass stealing person - BAD! BAD! I shake my finger at you!

Veronica said...

I'm curious like Cherry, did it hurt at all? How was it? How did you feel? Was she tired afterwards? Do you think she got any milk?

Am full of questions over here. I had an amazing breastfeeding experience with Amy and I am always wishing my experience on everyone because there was no pain and no issues. Amy knew exactly what to do, hehe, much like Little One.

Anonymous said...

Elisabeth had her pass stolen last week. It sucks. I'm sick today and have a meeting tomorrow. On Wednesday I'll do my best to swing by and say Hi.


Anonymous said...

Aww that is awesome that she is starting to latch. Of course preemies start latching early...if they don't try until they are full-term...they'll never do it. I know a few women with 32-34 week preemies, and they usually start BFing right away, so your little one is right on time!

I had a BFing experience like Veronica (no no issues) and hope you do as well...I also hope I do again in a few weeks!

What kind if azzhole steals a metropass and a wedding ring from a hospital (pr anywhere, but especially a hopsital?!).

Anyways, glad things are going well and LO keeps getting bigger and stronger!

louann said...

C, that is so awesome! That'll mean more bonding time for you and the little one. Enjoy every minute of it. It's a feeling I would never change for the world. It's simply awesome.

C said...

Yes! Soooo exciting! :) BTW, I think you are right! When I took her off the breast, she had milk around her little mouth. She's such a cute little milk monster!

Yep...karma sucks! I'd like to think that whoever stole my metropass needed it more than I did. Nothing I can do about it now, so I'll just have to spend double on transportation this month. Nice! As if I don't have enough to deal with right now :) Oh, well!

I knew YOU'D think that! ;)
Thank you :) She is doing great! She has her eye exam today. I don't think I can be in the room to watch it though. I know it won't hurt her, but the nurse said she won't like it at all. I don't know if I can watch her when she's so upset :( Poor baby, but it has to be done! They all get their eyes checked around this time.

C said...

I was thinking the same thing. For some reason, I didn't think another parent would steal from a parent going through all that emotional craziness of having a baby in the NICU. Then again, I could be wrong. You never know. There are all sorts of people out there. I just can't imagine anyone doing something like that. I'm naive though :)

Yes, the world is full of the beautiful and the ugly, isn't it? I'll be over to visit your blog sometime today :) Off to feed the baby!

C said...

:) Surprisingly, it felt great! Probably one of the most special experiences ever. It didn't hurt, but at first it was an odd sensation. I didn't realize Little One would have that much sucking power! She is, after all, very tiny!

After my few weeks of intimate bonding with the breast pump, this wasn't uncomfortable at all!

I think I was more amused and intrigued by this little creature making monster noises while she sucked at my breast and "pawed" at me. So funny how she'd open and close her tiny hands like a kitten would do while nursing on the mama cat.

It certainly was a majoy milestone and a "first" that will always be special to me.

C said...

Ummm...That would be "major" and not "majoy"! ;)

Patti Mc said...

Yeah!! I'm so very happy that Little One is so advanced! She certainly seems ready to do things on HER schedule. That is great news. I bet you're counting down the days till you can bring her home! Keep up the great work Little One.
And about your metropass, just remember, "What goes around, comes around!!" So they had better watch their step.

Karen MEG said...

Aw, C, I'm so glad that you're experiencing the nursing already...that's amazing that she's doing so well!!! She does have plans, that's for sure!

Weaning was one of the hardest things I ever did, I loved nursing my babies so much. Well, it was more self weaning by both kids, they got too bored staring at my chest. But breastfeeding is one of the most miraculous things in life.

And having your metropass stolen, that is terrible!!! And the wedding ring? That is just unbelievable. Some people, well, I think that's even too polite a word to describe that individual.

Autumn's Mom said...

What a great first! I'm happy for you on that note C. Your baby is just amazing, she's ready to take on the world! Sorry about your Metro Pass. What a douche!

Sharon - Mom Generations said...

Oh, that is wonderful news! It really gave me such a smile to think of Little One KNOWING exactly what to do and then DOING it! I agree that she does have big plans for the world... and she needs to get going on those plans! Get ready, Mommy, for the ride of your life!

As for the thief (or thieves)... I have 2 theories. One, that person is more desperate than any of us could ever imagine. Maybe finances are a huge issue. Maybe the stress of a sick baby is more than someone can seem to manage. Maybe that person has no-one to turn to for help... both financial and emotional. Hopefully, that person said a little prayer to be forgiven and then plans to pay that indiscretion back some day, somehow. There are many maybes... I hope and pray that one of them is credible enough to give someone else such pain. Which bring me to theory #2... the thief or thieves is just evil, and we all know that what goes around, comes around. The metropass and the ring will in no way equal the hand of karma. I just hope karma doesn't visit the person's innocent little baby...

Please kiss Little One for me!

Rosie : ) said...

Very neat! I am happy she knows what to do already. :) What an amazing little girl! You know I already love her and I haven't even had the pleasure to meet her yet? I knew she'd be wonderful, with great parents like you and hubby. :)

I agree with you on the thinking people are good thing. Hubby thinks I am too optimistic sometimes in believing the best in people. It's so hard to understand not everyone is good and wants to do the right thing. :( I hope that person learns and feels bad about it someday. Who knows?

PS you have an award over at my place, if you want to go pick it up. :)

Momisodes said...

CONGRATULATIONS! That is such a huge milestone. For baby and for you. I'm guessing they had you pump before putting her to breast, but I always tell parents that there is always something there while they're latched on. So I'm guessing she probably got a little bit :)
I am so proud of you both! What a big girl she is :)

p.s. So sorry to hear about your metropass.

C said...

I'm not sure if or how much milk she got. She did it again today and like yesterday, she was sucking and when I finally took her off the breast, she had a little milk mouth :) So cute! Did I tell you how much I love the little animal grunting noises she makes? LOL! Adorable!

I took her off because I thought she'd be tired. I was constantly looking at the numbers on her monitors, but she was saturating at 100% on low flow. When I pulled her off my breast, she started desatting!!!! Scary! The alarms went off and the lights were flashing at her incubator area. I guess she didn't want to be pulled off the breast! LOL! Cheeky monkey! :)

C said...

Hey, hey! I was JUST about to call you guys! Hope you feel better soon. I'll chat with you and E sometime this week. Are you guys free next Fri? I think we're doing something for my birthday. I've asked T and D to come out too if you guys can make it. Let me know :) XO

Veronica said...

I am so pleased to hear that it didn't hurt and that she had a milk mouth! Oh so cute!

I used to find Amy's animal noises way more amusing than I should have, with all the pawing and stuff, so adorable.

Dina said...

wow that is amazing that she is latching already!! She (and you) continue to amaze me every day- and with every post!! BF is such a beautiful thing once both mommy and baby get the hang of it (and after the initial pains so moms -like me- experience). Sounds like since you have been pumping for so long already your sensitive areas have already been "toughened" up so when she latched it wasn't hard for you!! YEAH!!

As for the theif in the NICU- shame on you! that is disgusting and just hope that person gets what is coming to them!

Erin said...

How awesome that she latched on like a pro!! My son was born full-term and weighed nine pounds had a heck of a time nursing at first, so she's doing so well.:)
I'm so sorry to hear about your pass. What an awful thing to happen on such a good day.

Anonymous said...

Look for the crack babies and then you have your answer.

Starshine said...

So glad you are able to start nursing! That's great! Little one is such a champ!

someone who knows said...

Anon, the crack babies (if there are any in that NICU) parent's probably aren't even in the NICU. A baby who is found to have crack in it's system will be removed by the CAS at birth, and the parents would not have unsupervised visits in the NICU.

C said...

Hi everyone!
I'm just on my "lunch break" before I get back to the baby. They are trying her on low-flow as tolerated today and I am quite nervous! They took her off her CPAP, which I should be happy about :) I am happy and excited about that, but just nervous that she might be pushing herself too hard, too soon.

The worse that can happen would be that she decides she's had enough and isn't ready to be off CPAP and then they will try her again in a week. We'll see. Keep your fingers crossed :)

Anon, I'm not sure about the crack baby thing. There are so many people who are in and out of the hospital all day, it could have been anyone, really. Who knows? It's pretty frustrating having had to buy another metropass, but it was my fault for leaving it in my coat pocket thinking that no one would rifle through other people's belongings. I have to tell myself that I'm in the city now and I need to brush up on my street smarts.

Autumn's Mom said...

Wishing the little one is having a good day today :) xoxo

C said...

Hi again, everyone :)
10PM and I just called the hospital to check on Little One. She's been on low-flow for 10 hrs now! Whoa! No CPAP!!! That is pretty crazy! Oh, and she gained 50 g today and now weighs 1490g! Mind boggling, since she was 980g just three weeks ago!

BTW, word ver= aftere

Veronica said...

Seriously, 10 hours? That is awesome! And so is her weight gain.

merinz said...

Hi Chrissy - not long until Little One has doubled her birth weight! It is great news that she is nursing. Such a special time for you both.
As for the metro pass thief - human nature never fails to surprise me. My son, a doctor, had his clothes rifled through when he was in theatre. Nothing was stolen from him but his colleagues lost things.

I am back now from the wilds of the Chatham Islands - a post coming soon when I have sorted out my head!

Anonymous said...

Hi C!
I'm SO sorry I haven't written in so long. I'm at the near-end of a very very busy exam week. I've got my final practical exam tomorrow (hurray!/ACK!) and then I'll be home-free for a whole month. (Sorry, I don't mean to rub it in... but I am kinda excited to go home!)
I'm so glad to hear Little One is doing so incredibly well. She's an amazing little bundle of blessing, isn't she? I think we need more pictures now, though. I bet she's turning into quite the little chunk, by the sounds of it.
I'll miss you so much when I get home! I can't wait until reading week (February-March-ish) - you should BOTH be home by then!
Talk to you soon... oh, send me your phone number and when a good time to call is - I'd love to chat when I get home!
ps... word verification is "robly" how cute! (and appropriate!)

C said...

Hi everyone!
I'm going to reply to your comments individually...soon-ish!

Good luck on your exams! :) So sad I'm going to miss you when you return home for the holidays, but you are right...When you get back for reading week, both Little One and I will be home too! YAY!

I miss you LOTS, girlfriend!!! :)

Word ver: robly?!?! That is too funny! I'll have to tell you a funny story about what my dad wrote on his FB status! Your word ver reminded me of that story! I'll e-mail you my # here. XOXO

Uncivil said...

Ohhhh C
I loved this post. Thanks for the chuckles! What's up with Jeanna?
She's gone AWOL longer than I have?

C said...

I dunno! I'm going to have to shoot her an e-mail. I hope she's okay. I haven't heard from her in a while either. Then again, I haven't been good at blogging either these past few weeks.

P.S. coonate is the word ver for this comment! LOL!

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