Monday, July 23, 2012

Monday Musings: Sometimes She Cries

**WARNING** Not my usual happy, light, fun post :)

It's been just a few months since my grandmother passed away and so far I've been holding things together just fine. Things are busy, life must go on, and there's a little person who needs me to function like a normal human being.  It just hits me sometimes though. It comes in waves. The overwhelming sense of loss and the sadness just take me by surprise.
My cousin found one of my grandmother's pieces of writing. It reminded me of just how much I miss her. I thought of the last time I held her hand and how much my heart hurt.

Hubby, Little One and I have been absent from our church for a good part of the Summer. Summer is really busy on the farm and Hubby rarely gets a chance to leave the farm. He needs to maximize daylight hours and get the most out of his days. There's always so much that needs to get done.

In church on Sunday, our minister's words just hit me. I know I don't talk about religion much on my blog, but every time we attend church service, the words just make so much sense and totally apply to what I'm going through at the time.

I've had a lot of things going on in my life lately. Worries. Stress. Anxiety. People see me in public and think I  "have it together". I really don't. I've also been creating more worries, stress and anxiety for myself and my husband. The basement hasn't been finished yet and it's been in the works for the past four years. I can't keep up with the weeds in our vegetable and fruit gardens. My flower gardens are a mess. I can't keep up with my house work. It's insane. I want things done and I want it done now.

Then I heard the words come out of our minister's mouth. He reminded us of the Fruit of the Holy Spirit.
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.” (Galatians 5:22)
I was reminded that we need to have patience. Patience is not a virtue I possess and have been struggling hard with. I know I need to work harder at it and this has been so apparent lately in so many facets of my life. My mother-in-law always tells me to "Let go and let God".

After the church service, we had lunch with Grandma (aka: my mother-in-law).

My Dad had spent the morning landscaping my front yard. I almost cried. I'd been trying to get to it for a while now, but was too busy. He just came over and did it. I am so thankful for my Dad.

Hubby took some of the afternoon off work and put farm chores aside to spend some time just lounging around with his family. Little One, Chance, Spike, Hubby and I played in the sprinkler and relaxed on the porch drinking iced tea. Well, Spike and Chance didn't drink iced tea. They had water.

Our little girl loves her Daddy so much. She cries every time Daddy or Mommy have to work. She just wants us to be together and hang out. She was SO  happy today. We just sat on the deck, but she loved it. She kept putting Hubby's hand on top of my hand and kept saying, "Daddy, hold Mommy's hand. Kiss Mommy. Group hug!!!" and she gave us both a big hug. She's so sweet. I love my little girl.

I have to remember that I really do have a lot to be thankful for. Taking time out, having Hubby spend time with Little One and me, and me going unplugged for much of the weekend certainly helped.

I leave you with this video. Totally brings me back to my high school days. I loved Warrant and was in love with Jani Lane! RIP Jani! For some reason, whenever I'm feeling my not so peppy self, this song always comes to mind.


Tammy @ In R Dream said...

AWE... It's been a few years since my gramma passed, I still think of her. The tears are far between, but there comes a moment I just stop & pause to reminder her when I am reminded. Time does heal. I have been feeling the same way lately, just yesterday i broke down, the list's are piling, the chores are endless, I had a full out cry. I needed it, my hubby is amazing & gives me so much support! He suggested I clear my head & put it all down on paper. I did this morning I feel better! I know what you mean when you say looks like I got it together from the outside. I feel the same way, very little do I get help, because it looks like i got it together. Let's just breathe together!

mamawee said...

I am glad you posted. Life isn't just about happy things - and we all have sad things to deal with our lives.

It is so nice you got to spend the day as a family on sunday - and yay for your dad doing the landscaping for you!


Christine said...

THANK YOU for this comment :) It's always good to know you're not alone. xoxo

Christine said...

Thank you! I honestly do not remember when we last had a relaxing weekend! LOL! You're right. To not talk about the not so happy stuff isn't realistic either. Life is full of happy, sad, exciting, scary, sorrowful, uncertain moments.

~Shannon~ said...

Lovely post. Glad you had the chance to unplug and enjoy your family. Its amazing how good it feels when we remember to do it.

Christine said...

Thank you so much. I don't remember when I last went "unplugged". Seems I always have my Blackberry, Tablet, laptop or whatever at hand!

Mom vs. the boys said...

big hugs my love, and so glad you had a chance to relax and unwind with the family. it really puts things in perspective. Warrant totally brings me back to my rockin highschool days too! love it!

Brandi Yee said...

I think of my Grandma all the time still and it's been over 13 years. It's good to have those memories :) I'm so glad you were able to spend time with your family and relax! Family can be such a great way to feel good :)

Chris said...

I loved this Christine. I've been setting the funny aside every now and then as well to touch on some real life stuff and it feels so good to write it down.

As far as setting the electronics down, THAT would be a tough task. A necessary one though.

The Zoo said...

No need to warn us. We love grandmother as well and enjoy hearing stories about her.

I don't write much about the loss of my son. I figure no one wants to hear about "dead babies". I know that people would mind it's just... Maybe that's why I try to find humour in everything (even death in some ways).

Your garden looks lovely, family time is good for the soul and mother-in-laws can sometimes be right.

Thanks for sharing.

Besos, Sarah
Zookeeper at Journeys of The Zoo

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City girl moves to the country, falls in love, and marries a farmer. She tries to incorporate her city ways with her new country lifestyle and blogs to keep in touch with friends, family & students who live far, far away :) Can this city girl go country? Watch as she learns all sorts of exciting things about life on the farm and in a small rural community. *UPDATE* We are now parents! Our baby girl was born on Nov. 11, 2008 (at 28 weeks gestation- 12 weeks premature, but she's quite the trooper)!!!
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