Thursday, September 03, 2009

Some Things I Have to Tell You


I could lie to you and tell you that everything is okay. I could tell you that life is fantastic and I haven't a care in the world. I could put on that happy, smiley face and let you know that I can manage everything just fine and that I never get tired or stressed out. I could do that...but, I won't.

It just seems to be that so many people we know and are close to are battling cancers of different sorts. Cancer is horrible. It takes so many lives and hurts not only the person suffering from cancer, but those who love that person.

It also seems that everything always has to happen at the same time. The baby is screaming because she's teething, there's someone at the front door, the phone is ringing, the soup pot is boiling over, the cattle are loose, article deadlines are due, the timer for the roast in the oven just buzzed...

Why does everything have to happen at the same time? What do I tend to first? *sigh*

I can tell you one thing. Blogging has helped me get things off my chest. It's been a great way of venting sometimes. It's a great way of expressing and putting down in words just what I'm feeling.

People sometimes say, "Well, what do you do all day? I don't understand why you're so busy. All you have to do is take care of your baby. And, you only have one baby." I could get mad and scream, "What the #$!@ do I do all day?!?!". But, I won't. I won't go into the list of things a farmer's wife has to do in a day, plus take care of a baby, plus do a little work (from home) on the side to earn some income since I'm taking a year off having ESL students so I can be with the baby. I won't go into every single detail and just let people believe that life is so easy since all I do is sit at home with the baby.Okay, and the "you only have one baby" thing really, really bugs me. Granted, I don't have a dozen kids, but that doesn't mean the load is any less heavy. I do realize that having two, three, four or more kids would be more work, but don't tell me I have it easy. You try tending to a baby and having to split fire wood because one of your biggest clients ordered ten cords of wood to be split and delivered!

I think the few minutes I spend blogging help me get through the day sometimes. I used to blog more, but now I'm lucky if I get a post or two done in a week.

A friend once told me, "Well, you can't be that busy if you have time to blog and Facebook". I laughed and told her that I'm actually multitasking since the time I do spend on the internet is when Little One is nursing. I check my e-mail, write articles for an e-zine, reply to work related e-mails, catch up with family and friends...and nurse Little One at the same time. That's how I have the time to be on the internet.

Another thing that helps me get through the day is cooking for my husband, baby and The Student. The Student will be leaving us this weekend and returning to London for university. I really enjoy cooking. We had a bucket of gooseberries and I didn't know what to do with them. Having never even seen a gooseberry in my life, I had no idea what they tasted like. I made a triple berry pie with gooseberries, strawberries and blueberries. It actually turned out amazingly well! The boys LOVED it! They devoured the entire pie after supper! Not bad for winging it! I didn't even have a recipe!I love creating things and I love feeding people. The Student mentioned his favourite food is Vietnamese Phở . I didn't have all the ingredients, but I had the basics for the Phở recipe. When on the Island, we use what we have. I guess I can call this "Island Phở "? :) Again, another hit! The boys loved it!The only thing I don't love so much is doing dishes!


Another thing that helps me tune out sometimes is...Bejeweled! I'm addicted to this game! I play a game or two while nursing Little One. She sometimes gets distracted by the colours and the jewels moving around on the computer screen. Don't worry. We do get quiet time when I just nurse her and not multitask while nursing her. That quiet time is usually in the mornings and evenings.

I somehow managed to get the 200K medal. I have no idea how I did it though. I certainly don't think it was strategy. It must have been luck.

Oh, and The Student got me hooked on SurfTheChannel.Com. I've been catching up on episodes of True Blood. Everyone has been talking about this show, so I decided to see what all the hype was about. I missed the entire first season, so I've been watching an episode a day. I'm on episode seven in season one.

To be honest, sometimes I really don't know if this city girl can be a good farmer's wife. Farming is not easy. It's not cheap. It's hard work. The work is not always acknowledged, though without farmers, people would not have anything to eat. It's a hard life...but it's the one I chose when I married my husband.

There are lots of things I love about our lifestyle though. It's good, honest work. It's a healthy lifestyle. We work close to the earth. It's what my husband loves. I guess I'm just having "one of those days".

The three most important things that get me through the day are...
Little One, Hubby, and Chance. At the end of the day, they make all the hard work and challenges seem so worthwhile.

17 comments:

J at www.jellyjules.com said...

Oh C, I wish I could come and give you a hug. Indeed, you have a full plate there, with so many things pulling you in different directions. I wonder if it was easier in days of old, when being a farmer or a farmer's wife was just as difficult as today, in many ways more difficult, but more people did it, so more people understood the challenges involved.

I'm not sure who keeps saying these things to you, undermining your confidence and criticizing you when you complain or vent. But I want to really encourage you to try not to listen to them. Most of the new moms I know are overwhelmed daily, and they live in the suburbs with no cattle, no firewood, none of the challenges you are facing. When Maya was an infant, I was often overwhelmed, and Ted was a grad student at the time, so there were two of us home with her all day, and again, no cows!

I'm kind of thinking it might be good for you to take a look around you, and see who it is that keeps saying these things, and perhaps put some distance between yourself and them for awhile. If it's an online community, maybe find another that is more supportive. There are so many naysayers out there, and usually, it's best to just steer clear.

J at www.jellyjules.com said...

AND I forgot to say, cancer does indeed suck. And having people you love going through such a difficult battle is very stressful, and has to add to the feeling of being overwhelmed. Has to.

That pie looks AMAZING.

Ted loves True Blood. I haven't been able to get into it, but he really likes it a lot.

C said...

J:
Oh, J! I sound like such a wuss, but you just made me cry! Seriously! Sending you off an e-mail shortly.

Funny, I just called the doctor's office because for some reason today's date was stuck in my head. Good thing I called! LO has an appointment at 2:45 and it's now noon hour! It wasn't marked on our calendar, but for some reason I had a weird feeling that she may have an appointment today.

XOXO

Momisodes said...

C, I'm so sorry. I can relate and empathize on so many levels. It's so insulting to have people ask you what you do all day, or just assume that taking care of a child and home is easy work. My mom thinks I do nothing all day long. But the reality is, I used to take care of critically ill children all day, but it was never as exhausting, emotionally and physically as being a mom.

You're doing a wonderful job. I'm so glad you have a place to just vent sometimes.

p.s. I LOVE Pho and was craving it all week last week!

caninecologne said...

hi c - that's terrible that people would say or imply to you ' well, you only have 1 baby, how hard can it be'...blah blah blah. and if this person is a family member, that sucks even more. don't let this person's judgemental attitude change the way you do things. i agree with "jellyjules" - distance yourself from this person...you don't need his/her toxicity bogging you down. cut off the dead wood. burn that bridge. tell them to suck balls!

you are probably one of the hardest working mothers I know C!

about TRUE BLOOD - the episodes get wilder in Season 2. Especially Episode 9...three words - Eric Sookie Naked

Wut? Wut? Ha ha. Hot damn, yes.

If you can, when you have time of course, try to rent/borrow the first season. I don't have HBO but have been watching the 2nd season on YouTube. My friend's been dvr'ing it so I'm going to record it from her recorder.

you are doing an awesome job as a mother C - you can see the happiness in your daughter's eyes. her pictures always bring a smile to my face and I always tell my husband to come and look at the new photos of the baby...we reminisce when TC was that age...the things she used to do. :)
TC also enjoys seeing photos of the baby...take care and hope we can talk soon.

word ver:
cortstiv

robert said...

Allow me to bow silently in respect of both, your writing and the being you are.

caninecologne said...

hi c - it's me again! read your comment on my last post - yes, naked.

and yes, she's with "bill". but dayummmmm.....hello!!!

if you read the book series by charlaine harris - you may as well skip to book 4. it's all about eric. as the great marvel cartoonist stan lee would say, " 'Nuff said!"

word ver:

citessen

by the way, rock that cleavage girl!!!

C said...

Momisodes:
Hi!!! I've been thinking of you! I've also been meaning to pop over to your blog. I really miss blog hopping! I WILL get over there soon! Thank you for this comment. I've just been feeling so overwhelmed and so exhausted. I don't really have any help around here. I'm just plain tired. Catch up with you soon! Give that sweet little girl of yours a big squeeze for me! She is just the cutest!! XOXO

C said...

Canine:
I
AM
SHOCKED!!!

Eric and Sookie?? What on earth?? What about Bill? :(

I'm curious to find out who killed Sookie's grandma and the two other girls. I have my suspicions, but I'm sure it'll be someone completely not who I was thinking, right?

I can't believe I watched last week's episode of Season 2 (second to last of the season) and I'm only halfway through Season 1! LOL!

Hopefully I'll be all caught up by next week?

HAHA! As for the cleavage...I didn't even notice that when I posted the pic! I just thought it was a cute one of Little One! I'm still nursing her, so I bet once I stop nursing her, they'll end up looking like pancakes, right?!? Is that what happens to Mom boobs after nursing? Gah. I'll be one of those people who say "I
used to have nice boobs, and now they're as flat as pancakes." LOL! I hope that doesn't happen.

HAHA! Love the Stan Lee quote!

C said...

Robert:
Thank you...a million times over! :)

Jackie said...

YOU HAVE GOT TO COME AND VISIT ME!!!!

C said...

Jackie:
Ummm...you'll be sorry you said that, because I *will* take you up on that offer!! ;)

BTW, I'm in your neck of the woods regularly. When I say "going to *town* for groceries", I usually mean your town or the other town that starts with the letter "M" and has a grocery store.

caninecologne said...

hi c!
hurry up and watch the rest of season 1 so you can start season 2!!!! episode 8 - eric in bill's bathtub!

enjoy your boobage while you can. : )

word ver:
atedlef

Uncivil said...

OK...that does it!!!!!
I want to see more pics of Chance and the little "Lowrider"!!!!Teehee!

Cherry said...

Sookie's grandmother gets killed! (reading your comment above).

Just kidding, we stopped watching TrueBlood after the first episode. Eric loved it but I didn't, so he decided (on his own!) that he wouldn't keep watching it if we weren't going to watch it together. I see the draw but I'm not much for the suspense shows. They just make me feel icky inside and since our tv watching time is often also eating time... feeling icky and eating don't really go well together.

On to the rest of your post...
You Vent ALL YOU WANT! This is your blog, you are just telling it how it is and if you feel overwhelmed then damn it of course you are going to say you feel overwhelmed. (my blood is close to boiling that someone is not being supportive of you -sorry for the harsh words)

And I agree, everything does seem to happen all at once. I have a few people around me who seem to have it all together that are generally pretty happy all the time and get everything done and are all pressed and shiny, but I just don't cope quite as well as them. And yes, I get overwhelmed in my little world which really doesn't have a hell of a lot going on it it. I try not to worry about what will happen when we have kids to add to the pressures of life, but it sneaks in there sometime.
You do what you can do at this moment. And if multi-tasking to vent a few times a week so you can get it out, or taking a few moments to play a game to have fun, then I feel you are being efficient and smart. You are taking care of you when you do this. You are keeping contact with your friends and family who are very important to you. All in a few moments of the day.

I realize this post is a few days old so I am hoping you are feeling better and taking a moment to get it out and to breath has helped you. Life in general isn't easy for anyone (its not supposed to be), and I don't think you need to justify how you are feeling to anyone but yourself.
HUGS!

Jinxy said...

he only time I spend on the internet anymore is when I'm nursing Lily.

Don't let anyone make you feel bad about anything you are doing or not doing. They usually are just jealous. :)

I am so into True Blood right now. I was late to the party and just started watching it this month. Hubby and I watched one episode a night till we got caught up. Now the wait to the next one is killing me.

louann said...

C, don't ever think that being a staying home with a baby is an easy job. IT'S NOT. And I admire women who are able to do that.

And yes, cancer sucks. BIG TIME. I hate it.

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City girl moves to the country, falls in love, and marries a farmer. She tries to incorporate her city ways with her new country lifestyle and blogs to keep in touch with friends, family & students who live far, far away :) Can this city girl go country? Watch as she learns all sorts of exciting things about life on the farm and in a small rural community. *UPDATE* We are now parents! Our baby girl was born on Nov. 11, 2008 (at 28 weeks gestation- 12 weeks premature, but she's quite the trooper)!!!
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