Wednesday, November 02, 2011

NaBloPoMo Day 2: It's So Hard to Love You


In my early adult years, I've witnessed loved ones struggle with addictions. Whether it be a friend with a food addiction, a drug addiction, alcohol addiction, gambling addiction, sex addiction, it was something I could never really grasp or comprehend. Not being able to understand lead to not being able to help these loved ones or properly "be there" for them...without allowing myself to be hurt in the process.

I've had friendships and have been in relationships with people who were "difficult". Difficult to be around. Difficult to deal with. Difficult to love.

Yet, I loved them anyway.

Some have said I was a glutton for punishment and allowed people to walk all over me. The truth is, when you care about someone, you often think that they'll change. Sometimes, you think you can be a positive presence in their lives. Sometimes all the support and love you give just cannot help a person out of the negative, counter-productive cycle they've found themselves stuck in.

I had the wonderful pleasure of meeting Kate Thompson over a year ago through mutual friends.  A small group of us went for dinner and a movie, and it was only after watching Eat. Pray. Love. that I discovered Kate was also an author (among the many amazing things she does)! I had seen her book sitting on shelves at different bookstores. I didn't realize it was that Kate Thompson who wrote the book! Kate, a counsellor and life skills coach, and Bill Klatte, a psychotherapist co-wrote the book It's So Hard to Love You: Staying Sane When Your Loved One is Manipulative, Needy, Dishonest, or Addicted.

I am pretty certain that we all have or have had people in our lives who are/have been difficult to love. The book helps readers see that there are innovative ways to love a difficult person.

We all have "troublesome loved ones" in our lives. They're adults who continue to get into serious trouble or make the same mistakes over and over. Despite attempts to communicate, this person does not listen or consider suggestions.

Sound familiar? If so, check out It's So Hard to Love You.

I wish I had read this book many years ago. It really helped me understand a bit more how to relate to difficult loved ones on my own terms and how to deal with things and not let my own needs be put aside.

Why did I choose to write about this as one of my NaBloPoMo posts? I really do not know. NaBloPoMo allows me to really think about certain things I may not have made time for otherwise. It's helped me express myself on paper (okay, on the blog) and really get things out. 

Happy NaBloPoMo-ing, everyone!

Question of the day: Do you have a loved one who is difficult to love? How do you deal with this person without pushing them away?


Frau Guten Tag said...

In my early 20s I had a 5 year relationship with an addict. Before rhat I had never dealt with an addict before. It was quite an eye opening experience for me. And although there was some real pain for me I dont regret it at all because I learned sooooo much from that experience.

For me I found that no matter what was going on, despite all the negative & ugly stuff that everyone else saw so apparently, I saw the good side of this man still in there & it made me not want to give up hope. As time went on & I became wiser he chose to dump me. But in retrospect Im glad because I dont think I ever wouldve been able to give up hope.

Now, all these years later, he friended me on fb. He apologized for everything, but he is still an addict & he is willing to admit it but refuses to change. My heart grieves for his parents still.

Kimberly said...

My Dad. I'm fairly certain that he is bipolar. Whenever goes to doctors so he suffers and we kids suffered. I love him but there are times I hate him.
I hope that by me getting help for my bipolar, my son will just love me and my efforts to be well. I never want him to be the brunt of my anger or frustrations like I was with my dad.

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City girl moves to the country, falls in love, and marries a farmer. She tries to incorporate her city ways with her new country lifestyle and blogs to keep in touch with friends, family & students who live far, far away :) Can this city girl go country? Watch as she learns all sorts of exciting things about life on the farm and in a small rural community. *UPDATE* We are now parents! Our baby girl was born on Nov. 11, 2008 (at 28 weeks gestation- 12 weeks premature, but she's quite the trooper)!!!
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