Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Roller Coaster Ride

Everyone has been telling me that having a preemie in the NICU is a roller coaster ride. There will be lots of ups and downs. The good days will be good and the bad days will sometimes be very bad. I never expected this because our little one has been doing so amazingly well so far!

This morning I was greeted with wonderful news from the nurses. Our little one gained some weight and is now 1000g! She lost some weight last week but started gaining back this week and is now just past her delivery weight. Her feed was also increased from 1 cc breast milk every 4 hrs to 1cc breast milk every 2 hrs...and then 2 cc every 2 hrs and now 3 cc every 2hrs!!! Her full feed is 13 cc and once she gets to 13 cc breast milk every 2 hrs, they will take her NG tube out!!!

I won't lie. I'm having a pretty rough time. I am drained and exhausted. Between pumping every 2 hrs, waking up at 5 get ready to head to the hospital for 7:45AM and leaving in the evenings, I am drained. I don't want to leave her side though. When I'm not with her I think of her, so it's better if I'm just with her.

I think the hardest thing I'm going through right now is having to do this by myself. Listening to all the medical jargon and trying to process everything is a bit overwhelming. Plus, the little one had a bad day today. The nurses tell me that occasionally she has a "spell" (when she desats and her heart rate goes down). It never really had an impact on me until I witnessed her having one today. I was with her and she had a spell...her little tummy and chest just stopped moving up and down. The nurse didn't have to give her oxygen but just had to stimulate her and then she woke up and remembered to breathe. It was the most traumatic thing I have ever had to witness. I cannot tell you how hard it is to see your baby stop breathing. Oh, the panic and horror! I was told that she will have spells and that is to be expected because a baby her gestational age does not breathe on their own inside the womb and now she's forced to do so much more work. She occasionally forgets to breathe.

I've been told by the doctors, nurses and other parents of preemies that she will have ups and downs over the next few weeks and that she is doing great for her gestational age and for her size.

She's starting to pack on some chub chub. Her legs are looking mighty chubby compared to last week and her cheeks are adorable. She looks completely different from how she looked 8 days ago. I love her little mouth. She's got heart shaped lips. So sweet.


counrty gal said...

Hi Christine, I just wanted to leave you a fast note to keep your chin up. My step daughter was born at 30 weeks, and althought she's small for her 6 years, she's doing so well... I know that it's not going to be easy, I didn't go through it since I only met her when she was 4, but I heard the stories... Keep positive!!!

BeachMama said...

Oh C, my heart goes out to you. You are doing fabulously given the circumstances. As much as you want to bring her home, she is in the best place possible for her right now. Sending you some hugs.

Cherry said...

Ohh! I love baby's chubby legs and cheeks (both kinds!). They are just so squishable!

Funny how we love the squish on babies but we are taught to not like our own. Ok, not so funny. ;-)

I can't wait for you to be able to hold her and nibble on her chub!

Sharon - Mom Generations said...

I cried when I read this post... for you, your loneliness, your fears, your exhaustion, your processing of all the information...

... then I smiled... because you have your little beautiful daughter to touch and feed and love and live for.

She is your greatest blessing, and she will always make things beautiful for you...

J at said...

Oh god, that would FREAK ME OUT. You must have been so scared. But now that you've seen it, and seen how they deal with it, you'll know what to do if it happens again.

Hugs sweetie.

My word verification is sun lion. Doesn't that sound hopeful?

Starshine said...

Wow. You really are going through so much. I'm so glad your little one is getting such excellent care and that she continues to grow every day.

Sending you love and hugs from California!

mrinz said...

Your Little One sounds beautiful. And the name Little One seems to suit her.

Veronica said...


Sorry, I don't have much more than that tonight. Wishing that I lived closer so that I was more support.

louann said...

C, I'm sorry I have been silent the past week. Been busy and all.

I am so so glad you are doing OK and Robyn is doing great. Hang in there.

Anonymous said...

Heya, Give me a shout sometime so I can get my keys over to you - for some reason I can't get through on your phone. Congratulations, by the way, on holding it together!


Justagirl said...

Oh C, that must have been so tramatic. I'd be hysterical. You are doing great given the circumstances that you are in. I really hope that your little one has more good days then bad in the coming weeks. You are so strong!God bless you and your little one.

C said...

Thank you for popping by :) I promise to get over to your blog as soon as I can. Thanks for the encouraging words. XO

Thank you...and you are so right. I know she is in the best place possible and the nurses, doctors and rest of the staff at Mt. Sinai are doing an AMAZING job with her. I cannot believe how wonderful they are. I know she's safe with them. I think I'm sort of suffering separation anxiety or something...that or lack of sleep! ;)

Thanks for the hugs! Gah...I was hoping to get to Ottawa to meet up with you (one of my best friends lives there and one of my childhood friends just had a baby boy and I wanted to see them) but our little one decided to come early and not let her mama do anything I wanted to do. Oh well :)

lisa said...

Christine, My only biological child was a high risk pregnancy from day one and then was born as a preemie. It was tough. I was scared. But now she's a thriving 6-year-old who is wearing ladies shoes! For the first couple years we fought breathing issues, but nothing long term. We on this ride with you. Hugs & love!

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City girl moves to the country, falls in love, and marries a farmer. She tries to incorporate her city ways with her new country lifestyle and blogs to keep in touch with friends, family & students who live far, far away :) Can this city girl go country? Watch as she learns all sorts of exciting things about life on the farm and in a small rural community. *UPDATE* We are now parents! Our baby girl was born on Nov. 11, 2008 (at 28 weeks gestation- 12 weeks premature, but she's quite the trooper)!!!
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